4 Things Young Black Women Should Remember When Dating
By: Madam Prezident
70% of African American women are unmarried. Although that’s a large amount of unmarried black folk—it’s a harsh reality. Being an African American woman currently on the dating scene, I noticed a few mistakes that we as women make when meeting someone new. These mistakes are the top 4 things that keep us single.
1) Clingy
Stop being clingy—if you are the clingy type, then stop. It’s not a bad thing to desire the presence of someone you like, but when you are forcing your connection oppose to allowing it to take it’s natural course, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. I am a strong believer that we all make time for the people and things that are important to us. If you think you need to be clingy to keep his interest, then it’s apparent he’s not that interested in you.
2) Expectations
Have clear expectations when you meet someone new. If you are looking to date long-term, short-term or you’re just “kickin’ it“—take the time to let the prospective dater know. One of our biggest mistakes as women is our inability to be “straight up“. When a man is solely interested in you sexually, he doesn’t hesitate to tell you. Having clear expectations will save you a lot of time, and from long pointless dates.
3) Don’t Date Potential
For some reason, black women like to date men who have the potential of being a good, employed, or strong man. This kind of behavior needs to stop. You don’t walk on a car lot to purchase a dependable car, and allow the dealer to show you a non-operable car—telling you it has the potential to run. If you work full time and you want your man to work full time then date a man who has a job. If you’re a Christian woman who wants a church going man, then don’t meet the guy at the club and pray he desires to attend church—date the brother at the church. We have to date a man’s reality not his potential.
4) Do Not Have s*x on the 1st Date
If you’re not looking for a relationship that is solely s****l, then don‘t start the relationship off with s*x. I’m sure it’s been a while since you’ve had “some“, and you’re probably in orgasmic hiatus, but don’t be desperate and careless by being sexually active with a man that you barely know. Many women like to use the philosophy of being a “grown woman” who can handle s****l intercourse without any attachment as their justification for sleeping with men expeditiously. In actually it’s a lie. I do not believe it is humanly possible for a woman to have anything on the inside of her and not be attached. God did not create us that way. If you want something more than s*x, then don’t make s*x the foundation of your relationship. In other words, make him wait.
Why date? You’re practicing for a divorce. Instead ladies take time to prepare yourself to be a wife. Must pub my book here, read “No Longer a Bridesmaid!” by Terry Cato and start preparing yourself to be a wife instead of someone’s in the meantime in between time.
” I do not believe it is humanly possible for a woman to have anything on the inside of her and not be attached”
Girl HUSH! I’ve had s*x with men that I’ve had zero feelings for afterwards. And I know plenty who has went through the same experience. Lol quit using God to justify YOUR opinions/beliefs. Grown women can and have s*x without catching feelings all the time. Just because YOU get all spring after getting the d*** doesn’t mean that applies to every woman.
I agree with your first 3 points though.
I agree with Jennifer. I have had s*x with men I could give 2 s***s about. As harsh as that is, that”s the truth. Only certain types of men have the ability to get someone sprung. Its usually the ones with their stuff together as well as knows how to lay the pipe.
You stated that 70% of black women are single, but this percent also includes women who have been married and divorced. Fifty percent of your comments are about dating. Why is it all about getting a man? The divorce rate is pretty high, you know. How about advice on what makes a good relationship?
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I agree with Jennifer & Keisha!! Well said My Sisters!!
Madam Prezident, your points are food for thought, but please realize that not everyone in your reading audience will adhere to your points. Every woman reading your stated points may perhaps have a different philosophical mindset about dating based upon many factors including practice and customs of their environment.
Not every man and woman expects or have s*x on a first date. I commend you on your first three points and despite that, from a man’s standpoint, I do not expect that this will serve as a blueprint with respect to black dating.
The problem with most black women is that they don’t know how to treat men. This is why they are single. Blame it on the lack of father-daughter relationships and other positive male relationships. You can not talk to men any kind of way. Trying to have a power struggle with a black man is unwise. There is a way to defend and stand your ground while being respectful to the fact that you are talking to a man. This article should help some ladies out with that type of information. -For the record I am a 26 year old Afro-American woman and I am very happily married to a strong black man. I’m not degrading my sistahs, just trying to help those who don’t know out.
1st we got a 72% out of wedlock birthrate in the community and real talk: good brothas with something good going on, that education, good job with benefits or running a business AINT CHECKING FOR BABY MAMAS. Too many sistas out here pulling the cart before the horse and these brothas aren’t interested in playing daddy to these kids and I dont blame ‘em. They want women that are equal to them they can marry and build families and a strong foundation with. 2hd a wise man said black women need to stop treating their pucci like a trash can and he was right, some of you “ladies” just let any old random dudes dump all up in you, just letting these dudes use your coochies for seminal waste containers, just letting them nut all over the place, yall catch so much nut that half of yall don’t even know who the fathers of your kids are, and paternity tests are what $300 a pop, so you can’t afford the tests and can’t find half the dudes who knocked yall up. These good brothas can smell a hoeee from a mile away, they walk, talk and dress the part then wonder why lowlife deadbeats treat ‘em like hookas because that’s how they act and most aint even getting paid for their services. 3rd black women are some of the most unpleasant females to be around, overly aggressive, angry, combative and always got an attitude always all frowned up probably because they laid up with multiple random deadbeats, had their kids and the dudes dipped out on ‘em. Then yall wonder why black mens eyes wander to the latinas and white or mixed chicks, because they come across as more feminine and ladylike, they are not beastly and manly. Even when they get angry or an attitude they still maintain their softness and femininity. Now Black women will pass over the dude with no swag or game but got a good head on his shoulders and is doing big things, for the swag and game and ain’t got sheit going on nuccas, then lay down and have their babies then talk about they aint s**t, beitches please all yall knew the nucca wasn’t no good when you laid down with him. 4th black women dont have standards or stupid standards all yall competing for basketball players or football players and most women with half a brain know d**n well athletes especially basketball player who are on call more than half the d**n year gonna be getting pucci on the regular when they’re not home, and football players, well most are just dumb as sheit and if they weren’t throwing the pigskin would probably be doing some menial job or in prison. Yall love ignorant nuccas too, the thug the drug dealer, the fine nucca with good looks and big dyck but no education no job skils but hey he can sho’ ’nuff lay down the pipe! 5th real talk too many black women who could be really attractive arent because theyre either too dayum FAT or OBESE or wear those horrible a*s weaves and perms, ladies yall got to do something else because the ONLY sista with good weave is Gabrielle Union and thats because she can buy that $2K hair and get somebody to sew it in just right, the rest of yall got those ugly a*s weaves that look ridiculous. Try growing your own hair and wear it natural, natural hair is beautiful and fits us better than hood weaves and leave the perms alone because they f*ck up your hair over time. Some of yall wear those long a*s weaves thats so shiny and straight, even asian chicks hair doesn’t look like that. And lose some dayum weight, some of yall walking around with the rings of Saturn around your neck, rolls of fat on your back and a stomach that when you stand profile is ten times bigger than your breast profile. Stop the BS about you thick you ain’t thick you just fat as h**l. 6th black women always running their mouth about their “expectations” in a man, “i wanna man in a two piece suit who got a house a two car garage and two cars, a bank account and a corporate job” while they’re working behind the counter at the DMV or some unskilled job barely making minimum wage, these dudes aren’t checking for YOU, they’re checking for women their equal in their accomplishments. 7th Please educated sistas stop bragging about that lil’ piece of paper (degree) yeah a degree is a nice accomplishment, I have one but guess what when my fiancee’ slipped the ring on my finger last month he didn’t do it because I have a dayum degree, many other reasons but not that piece of paper, men are NOT impressed. There are many other things that are more important to a brotha.
IF black women really want marriage (I seriously doubt most of you do because too many of you have never seen the dynamics of a marriage, courtesy of your single parent mothers who made the same dumb mistakes yall are repeating) you gotta make some positive changes in your lives and be real about those changes because good men can smell fake a mile away. Some of yall have been alone all your life except for the gutter n****s yall f*ck every so often and having babies that you dont know how to let a brotha lead and you dont know your rightful place as a wife. In a marriage women dont lead, men do. Women are the caretakers and nuturers even if you work and salary dont matter. And stop looking for love in the club the only thing them nuccas love in the club is the is the new pucci theyre gonna take home or to the hotel for the night. And watch your language ladies some of yall talk so nasty around brothas, is that to impress them, your mouths is like a dayum toxic waste dump, just foul and all that cussing and talking about getting some dyck or giving some head might turn him on and make him hard, but it won’t make him wanna wife you up. And read some books and watch something other than basketball hoes or hip hop ratchets, and watch something educational like NOVA or the McNeill/Lehrer Report or Wall Street today. Read some classic books especially black books so if/when you get asked out on a date you will have something intelligent and meaningful to discuss. Now baby mamas your situation is more challenging cause like I said the childless brothas ain’t looking for ready made families, they don’t wanna deal with your bad a*s kids, so yall might have to start dating some baby daddies, that way yall can marry and blend your families. And to be fair I just dont say that good brothas with no kids and good sheit going on shouldn’t date baby mammas, I also say that good sistas with no kids and good sheit going on shouldn’t date baby daddies because these good women with no kids dont need to be saddled with nuccas that’s broke after paying out child support to god knows how many dayum kids. All the advice I gave you okay I didn’t give it with sugar and spice but it’s good advice, if yall can take time to read it without coping an attitude over HOW I wrote it and take it in the spirit in which it was written you will see that I’m right. I was 19 when I met my dude and he was 22 so its been six years we are established adults doing well and we’re ready for marriage. And one more thing, I had the privilege of growing up with both my parents in the home so I got a chance to see how love, marriage, and a female knowing her role and a man knowing his role helps make a good marriage. I saw the same thing from my mama’s parents and my daddy’s parents, I see it in my older brothers marriage, so I come from family that values marriage.
In the 1950′s, when marriage was king, most women would be shamed to have s*x out of marriage. Today, women bang more than guys and being unmarried and having kids with different daddies is common in the black community. Who wants to marry some chick that’s been around the block thirty times? She knows more about Mr. d**k than you do. All your peeps in the hood know they rocked that and probably can get it again- when you out of town.
The simple truth is many women, black and white, and many males too, I guess, are hoes. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife or a husband. So if you already a ho, just be a ho and leave it at that.
Once again a waste of time. The reason for so many single black women is the “extremes”.
Extreme immaturity, extreme emotional instability, extreme self centertedness.
Everyday, I listen to women at work talk. Their priority is total freedom, no rules, and not answering to anybody.
This translates into dating married men, thugs, or who ever else because I want a free weekend getaway, a shopping spree.
This translates into shacking up with any man just to get away from home so they don’t have to listen to their mother comment about their lifestyle.
The focus is not marriage. The focus is the freedom to run wild…period.
This is what BlackWomen need to know about BlackMen.Look at The BlackMan(State of Emergency) on Youtube. It gives alot of insight. Peace!
Multiple random dycks and being the “good time girl” lowers a woman’s marriage value. When word gets out that a woman has let random dudes use her phucci like a trash can, dudes might wanna hit that, but they’re not trying to wife up a female who’s been around the block one too many times. Maybe that’s the reason so many black women are single because any dude they “don’t love” and just wanna bang that, and loose women can’t hide their looseness, it’s apparent no matter how much they try to behave like a lady. It’s kinda like putting on clean clothes and not bathing for 48 hours, or bathing and pulling clothes out the hamper and putting them on….either way you can still smell the funk.
How many of the women who have slept with men without any feelings had a successful relationship or is currently married? I don’t think anyone should be upset about this comment. If you genuinely respect someone you’ll save the best for last (s*x)
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