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The (Ree)lationship Guide: Is A Woman With Children ‘Marriage Material’?

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South African Columnist of News 24, Khaya Dlanga Believes Men Between The Ages of 18-35 Will Not Marry Women With Children

Photography by NHOPHOTOS.com

by Ree, “The (Ree)lationship Guide”

South African columnist Khaya Dlanga wrote  a column revealing that men between the ages of 18-35 will not marry a woman with children — even if he has children of his own.

Dlanga wrote, “Now, before you chew my head off, I know that there are some guys who have married women who have children with another man – sometimes women with children not from just one man. Interestingly, women will marry a guy with as many children from as different women as Steve Hofmeyr.” He continued, “The hypocrisy of the whole situation is that women don’t have the problem that men have. They will marry a guy with a child without much pause (yes, I am aware of the generalisation I am making. Women are more likely to have no problem with marrying a guy with a child than guys.)”

Dlanga says his column was inspired by a Facebook status he posted that asked women how they felt about guys who won’t marry them because they have a child by another man. “I did not anticipate the debate that would go on the page,” Dlanga wrote.  “Men were in general agreement that they were unlikely to marry a woman with a child. The women were horrified.” Dlanga indicated that widows are an exception to the rule because there is no competition with the man. “Widows on the other hand are a different story. A lot of guys would consider marrying one because the woman won’t have “two” men in her life to deal with. There will be no politics with the father. There will just be a child that is one’s own now. The issue is never really about the child. It is about the father who still roams the streets,” he wrote.

Dlanga continued to write that the issue is not with the child itself, the issue is with men not wanting to ‘compete’ with other men. “There is a lot of ego involved. Logic does not apply to ego.  The ego has its own rules. The ego wants what it wants in whatever way it wants it. And that’s that.,” he wrote. Dlanga offered a suggestion to women. “Since women are the ones who are often left with the burden of responsibility [of raising a child], I think that women should be extra vigilant about who gets into her pants with no rubber.”

So, men will you marry a woman who has children by another man who is still alive? Why or why not?

Ree “The REE-lationship Guide” is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com. Follow her Twitter: @iDateDaily Questions, comments, and/or concerns can be addressed to Ree via email at TheREElationshipGuide@gmail.com

The (Ree)lationship Guide

Ree "The (REE)lationship Guide" is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com.

45 Comment

  1. This is a sad truth yet we as women still have power in this and its located between our legs…Keep them closed to many who just want sex and nothing more…

  2. I agree, because my ego never trusted a man in my house to rule over my children. I don't dimiss the fact that the father is important. A male child has a problems with a man in the home who is not his father. I never wanted to marry after things didn't work out with there father. I sacrificed my needs for my children.

    • I as well. I didn't want my kids to see men come and go. I have a daughter and a son and their happiness and safety always came before mine.

  3. A lot of step dads have and do a better job then the biological dad.

  4. Its not the fact of competing with the other father that turned me off, it was that some( not all ladies!) do not require the biological dad to pay any support and that's not fair(esp if a man has his own kids and he is taking care of them.) My god-sister married a great guy and she had two kids but those kids dad never missed paying that 1000 a month and her husband told me that is what he respected out of her, The fact that she kept their dad involved and accountable. Atlas can't carry the world anymore and there are very few Capt. Sav's…I know this because I have worked around women and younger women for 17 years and I make good money and the one's with kids and they get no help from dad, well lets just say they come at you the hardest. I have been asked for advice and I have heard all the stories and I always tell them that it is unfair for you to expect a man to carry the load for kids that are not his, yet you let the real father off the hook, in all ways. To a real man, that's a turn off. If the other dad is doing his job in all ways, then it makes it much easier on everybody. But you ladies know the truth. That applies to the ones that let this happens. But I do tell them to get an older man, he doesn't mind because, "trick love the kids." Just kidding( but I'm not)..Hotep.

    • (this comment is not JUST to wrmetcalf) I think…and bear with me as I compose my rampant thoughts…I agree that as women we should be particularly careful with whom we share ourselves.I think that if a woman is still physically dealing with their child's father, and trying to get married/seriously date someone else, they need to check themselves. The same thing goes for the men- who, are much worse offenders of this one (IMO). I also believe in the person's right to have their own likes and dislikes- i.e…kids/no kids. What furrows my brow is the double standard imposed here and in many other relationship situations… You never know what the situation is or was. What I mean is, the woman and kid's father may have already been to court, he may have a financial advantage (read: money for longer retainer/better lawyers), he may have also been crazy or abusive. You never know. Child support and visitation is NOT as cut and dry or easy as it's made out to be. Unfortunately a lot of our males (not men) don't want to be on child support because they see it as a punishment (or something, i dont understand *Shrug*), so, they'll fight to stay out of court, or fight you tooth and nail IN court to avoid it. Meanwhile, the father is making the mother's life HELL.

  5. What the real problem is that these women and babies daddies feel like that they still can have a sexual relaionship because they had a baby together, regardless if they are in a relationship or not. To many women praise the thug and consider a responsible man weak.. You always here about how some women complain about a no good man, but they stay with him for years until he moves on to the next fool, and these same women won't stay with a good man for two months before they start the disrespecting and cheating… go figure..

    • Tony haven't we seen this story over and over again??

    • yep

  6. This clearly shows how some men think logically. Its not about ones ego. Ego's get your no where. Challenge yourself, and you won't have to feel threaten.

  7. I could marry a woman who has a child, maybe two, but is she has a whole tribe of them, I CANT DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. I still see a double standard in this. I had a bad relationship once with a divorced father and his daughter by his marriage and it turned me off to ever marrying anyone with young children to support.It was not the money but rather the child’s attitude towards me. Since I am single and never had children I did nor do I not feel that Ii have to tolerate this situation.I further think more thought needs to go into having a child on the male as well as the female’s side.I feel sorry for the children that are used as a wedge to punish the parent of them. Do they need support? Of course they do. It is not punishment in and of itself but a necessary reality of today’s world. Ladies possession is 9/10th of the law.You carry it in your body and it is really your baby.Make sure you can care for it as it needs to be cared for or leave parenthood alone!!

  9. It's not like we didn't already know this I tell women this all the time. Don't get me wrong we all make mistakes but there are choices. Too many women don't value theirselves and they lay with what ever type if guy just to not be lonely for that minute which causes a life time of hardship.

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