The (Ree)lationship Guide: Study Shows That Women Benefit From Withholding Intimacy
Researchers at Cornell University conducted a unique study on 600 married and cohabiting couples asking them how happy they were together. They were also asked how committed they were to the relationship, how emotionally involved they were, how well they communicated, how frequently did they argue, how long they had waited before becoming intimate, and what’s their level of romance satisfaction.
Nearly a third of the men and women said they became romantic within the first month of dating, while 28% waited at least six months, according to the Journal of Marriage and Family. Analysis of the data clearly showed that women who waited to become intimate were happier. And those who waited at least six months scored more highly in every category measured than those who got intimate within the first month. Even better, those who waited indicated that their intimacy was better.
The researchers said couples may benefit from taking things slowly. ”A strong s*xual desire may thwart the development of other key ingredients of a healthy relationship such as commitment, mutual understanding or shared values,” the report said. “Good s*x is sometimes confused with love; some couples overlook problematic aspects of their relationship that ultimately matter more in the long run.”
The researchers said delaying s*x gave couples time to get to know each other and work out just how compatible they were. The study’s authors said: “Precocious pre-marital s*xual activities may have lasting effects on relationship quality. Courtship is a time for exploration and decision-making about the relationship, when partners assess compatibility, make commitments and build on emotional and physical intimacy. The rapid entry into s*xual relationships may, however, cut short this process, setting the stage for ‘sliding’ rather than ‘deciding’ to enter cohabiting unions.” Money worries and other factors that could have skewed the results of the study were taken into account.
While I comprehend the results of the study, I don’t believe the study will have much meaning if women aren’t on the same page. There are a slew of women who’d be ecstatic to be intimate with ‘no strings attached’. As long as those women are in existence, it may become a challenge for women who abstain from intimacy before marriage or for more than a few weeks to keep their significant other’s undivided attention. This is especially true if the couple has been intimate in the past.
Ladies, the best thing to do is be upfront and honest with guys you’re dating. Let them know ahead of time that you are abstaining from intimacy before marriage so that they can make a decision as to whether or not they are willing to make that sacrifice. Men, if you date a woman who has informed you in advance that she is not going to be intimate with you prior to marriage or for quite some time, it is up to you to decide whether or not you’re prepared (mentally) to abstain with her or if you would prefer to keep looking for someone who is willing to be intimate within a shorter timeframe.
It is beneficial for each person to be honest with the person they’re dating. If one person in the relationship lies or withholds information from the other, the relationship will inevitably be ruined and more than likely irreconcilable.
Ree “The REE-lationship Guide” is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com. Follow her Twitter: @iDateDaily Questions, comments, and/or concerns can be addressed to Ree via email at TheREElationshipGuide@gmail.com