The (Ree)lationship Guide: Are Black Men ‘Bitter’ About Love?
by Ree, “The (Ree)lationship Guide”
Photography by NHOPHOTOS; Chicago, IL
In 2005, Tyler Perry’s film titled “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” attempted to shed light on possible reasons why African American females are “angry” in regards to love and relationships. Four years later, Tim Alexander filmed a narrative/documentary titled “Diary of a Tired Black Man” that displayed video footage of conversations with minority (primarily African American) men and women regarding love and relationships. Majority of the males concluded black women’s bad attitude is the demise of their love-life. Three years after the release of “Diary of a Tired Black Man”, I question whether or not there is a “Bitter Black Man” syndrome emerging on the dating and relationship scenes. A lot of our black male visitors on www.blacklikemoi.com and www.yourblackworld.com have been very vocal in expressing disgust and/or disappointment in their quests to find a “good” woman. So, I’m opening the floor for dialogue on this topic.
Here are some questions I have for black men who are losing hope in finding their queen:
1) What qualities are you seeking in a “good” woman?
2) Do you feel compelled to date outside of your race to find a “good” woman?
3) What frustrates you the most about dating?
***If you or someone you know is interested in having this conversation with me via webcam, please leave a comment below. I’m interested in hearing all perspectives.***
Ree “The (REE)lationship Guide” is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com. Follow her on Twitter: @iDateDaily
Ree "The (REE)lationship Guide" is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com.
What are you bringing to the table? Do you have a record? How is your appearance (pants on the ground)? Are you clean in personal hygiene and speech. Are you abusive? Are you trying to better yourself through education? Are you looking for a woman to cohabit with and produce with without benefit of a wedding ring. Black man if this is you, step!
We “good brothers” are not bitter about love. We just will not stand by allow ourselves to be undervalued, marginalized or taken for granted. The qualities that A woman must possess are: integrity, intelligence, compassion, and a work ethic. I am not compelled to go outside of my race but if my search takes me there than so be it. What frustrates me about dating is that the cover does not read like the pages.
Do you try to look good for your man? Do you support me and listen to me? Are you intelligent? Do you know what it takes to be a good and supportive woman, or do you spend your life castrating every man who comes in your path?
A lot of women don’t know how to make a man feel strong. Many of them work hard to weaken us and then get mad because we’ve been affected.
Good grief…stop whining!
WHO HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING TO WITH ALL THAT c**p , SUPPORT,INTELLIGENCE AND MAKING YOU FEEL STRONG. YOU NEVER ONCE SAID WHAT YOU WOULD DO FOR THE BLACK WOMEN. WHICH SHOWS EXACTLY HOW “SELFISH” YOU ARE!!!
I SEE BLACK MEN WITH WHITE WOMEN AND I WONDER WHAT SHE SEES IN YOU. I WOULDN’T HAVE YOU AND I’M BLACK!!!!! YOU’RE WITH WITH “WHITE” WOMEN BECAUSE THEY HAVE MORE MONEY AND THEY PAY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you or did you not read the article?
It clearly states that it is an open discussion as to what questions you’d ask in order to “qualify” your mate.
If you’d like to contribute to the discussion, the expected route would be questions you’d ask yourself, not accusing someone of being selfish, but actually asking before assuming what it is that you may already have bias against.
Considering that there is already hope being lost in finding a woman with patience enough to find out what he may or may not be about, it’s interesting that you perpetuate the very opposition that many men talk about further illustrating the uphill battle that Black Men talk about with Black Women.
James, I am not looking. I have a degree, work out twice a week etc. I have a lot of male friends, but would not date them. I listen and observe and what I see is what I posted, most black men are not bringing their share to the table. As I said I am not looking, my ex is deceased and he was a class act. as I work in a male doom
Continued from above, I hit the wrong button.
I work in a male dominated field and the company employ all types of men, so I see black men from custodian to Engineers and they are all the same. Although they treat me quite nicely, they ALL have a bad opinion of black women.
I think they watch to many video chicks
This story has made the rounds on the net and I have posted a lot on this…so this is my last post on the subject.
BLACK MEN HAVE A “BAD OPINION” OF BLACK WOMEN. ISN’T THAT SPECIAL!!! I THINK SOMEBODY HAS FORGOTTEN THAT THEY ARE STILL BLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT’S SOO IGNORANT TO DISRESPECT BLACK WOMEN WHEN THEY WERE RAISED BY BLACK MOTHERS, AUNTS, SISTERS GRANDMOTHERS. NOW YOU CAN’T RELATE.
I THINK BLACK WOMEN MAY BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT SOME OF THESE BLACK MEN…WHO ARE THERE ONLY IN GOOD TIMES AND LOOK FORWARD TO THE NEXT “EASY” WOMEN.
So true Gee! The most IGNORANT comment on the page and from a black man. He stated they get blamed for everything when they are not in the home and the black woman is running the house, (not exact words, but close).
That is the problem you are not THERE, you drop in, drop a sperm donation and leave. Black man you are at fault, you are lazy, get to work and do your job.
well am gona be a d**k i wasent raise by my black familie i was raise by my puerto rican familie and they always told me treat every body the wasy you wanan be treated regarless of skin color and race never juge no one by race and you love who you love regarless of race
@Gee – “IT’S SOO IGNORANT TO DISRESPECT BLACK WOMEN WHEN THEY WERE RAISED BY BLACK MOTHERS, AUNTS, SISTERS GRANDMOTHERS. NOW YOU CAN’T RELATE.”
You didn’t mention fathers raising black daughters, perhaps that is why many black women lack perspective on a healthy relationship with a black man.
One major problem I have in my relationship is the unwillingness of my black woman to acknowledge, accept, or work on any constructive feedback I may have regarding our relationship. Perhaps that’s considered “strength”, but I suspect it’s a mask to hide insecurity.
IF you were following me I said “NOT ALL MEN”. There are black men out there taking care of their families. BLACK WOMEN lack perspective on heathy relationships. GIVE me a break. Black women have bent over backwards for black men. YOU are the ones that are insecure and blame black women. “THE UNWILLINGNESS of black women to work on constructive feedback” . WHAT DO YOU THINK WE ARE DOING NOW? AND YOU STILL AREN’T LISTENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nowhere in your commentary have you specified “not all men” and given any credit to the single fathers and such, nor have you admitted to the faults of some Black Women.
While I understand it is rather easy to get caught up emotionally in defending one’s own, it’s far easier to divide and conquer and that’s what much of what has happened to the Black community and it has worked quite nicely. You’ve been reiterating the myth that Black Men have been abandoned the responsibilities of their offspring when in fact many of them have been pushed or pulled out by the “war on drugs”, welfare qualifications and the “divide and conquer” tactic. This does not encompass all, nor exonerates the ones who have voluntarily left their roles, however it does provide the history of destruction within the Black community.
I desire nothing more than a unification with my people and a pride in being Black and beautiful. A respect for each other that surpasses the media’s and societies misleading representations of Black Men and Women.
hey i understand what youre sayong but my people are my familie and my few lil friends i have thats it every one else can kiss my a*s thats just how i feel am a black male my self born in chicago i move as a baby to puerto rico were i grew up and always was proud of who iam and always will be i remember us as kids when eva a black american came true our hood or what eva they was always welcome and we was always like wao man we meet some black people from america when i move to america it was a whole different ball game black kids in school use to fight me all the time because i speak different and i always had problem with black folks just because i was mix i count play foot ball because none of the other student like me and it was a living h**l black girls use to call me names and ive never had a black girl friend till i move up north so i had to learn the hard way just because some one share the same skin color as me dosent mean were kool or none of that so when i speak i speak from personal experiences that ive been in my self and yes now that am in chicago most the people i know are black and we all get along just fine and i dont hate black women i have 4 sisters and a mother that are black s**t my dad is black am more black than anything is just sad that iam acepted more in the latin community than the black one
For GOD’s sake stay where you are accepted.
i will all i have to do is stay the f**k out of the south and am good
Were you too busy trying to reply to my statement that you MISSED my comment dated: May 06, 2012 at 9:19 pm… where I said in parenthesis when referring to black men. (NOT ALL). PAY ATTENTION.
hey i really dont give a f**k about what you have to say
THEN SHUT THE h**l UP. WE’RE DONE. I DON’T TALK TO RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD BYE
Thanks for SHARING!
welcome
Gee –
I read your comment, however considering that I made it to this particular article today, it would only serve my argument to say that in one post you have specified not all men, yet in most, if not the rest you have had little, if any, differentiation in Men that do “handle their business” as opposed to the ones that you claim that are abandoning the community and their responsibilities. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to cause anymore chasms to divide Black Men and Women, however the more we focus on the negative, the less we attract or encourage the positive.
Most black people can spot a FAKE on these blogs and your post were so “BOGUS” and over-the-top until you stuck out like a sore thumb.
It is getting real hot outside, you may have to lose that robe and hood.
Have a great day!
This back and forth is getting us nowhere.. I have MY OPINION and YOU have YOURS. YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT BLACK MEN DO LEAVE AT A LARGE RATE. IF this wasn’t TRUE..we wouldn’t be having this DISCUSSION….
I am sooo sick of BLACK MEN blaming BLACK WOMEN for everything that goes wrong in the relationship. BLACK WOMEN wouldn’t have ATTITUDES if BLACK MEN had our BACKS. BLACK WOMEN do it ALL. YOU EITHER have gone to jail, can’t find a JOB OR are sitting at home PLAYING VIDEO GAMES! YOU ARE ALWAYS THE VICTIMS. BLACK MEN have been SELLING US OUT FOR YEARS.
THE ONLY WOMEN you are LOYAL to are WHITE WOMEN. I see YOU as “WHITE FOLK n*****s”. YOU JUST LOVE WHITE WOMEN. IT’S SO SAD!
You are correct, black men love white women and they elevate them at every opportunity. So, black women elevate and take care of you and if a DECENT black man comes along…good, if not keep moving forward.
you sound like one of those black women that gets angry when she sees a black man with a white women hey get over it there are just as manny good white women as there is black women
This is a “BLOG”, people have opinions, I don’t know any black women who get angry when they see black men with white women. The truth is the truth and that is just what most black men prefer. I think it has a lot to do with the media and what men and boys see in the movies and the actions of Kanye etc. However, black women do look and wonder “why”, you should hear what some white women and men say about you and the white women who date you…oh boy!
I reject ALL of these comments out of hand! You say most Black men when you may know 10 personally. Stop grouping us together. That’s the c**p that forces Black Men to go elsewhere. Furthermore, you ladies responses signify the epitome of a BITTER BLACK WOMAN!
Instead of fixing the problem, you create an even bigger schism between us. SMH at this. Opinion or not, blog or not, this stuff is what prevents us from fixing our issues. I love my sisters, but this bs has got to stop!
YOU NEED TO STOP THE BS. YOU BLACK MEN WILL USE ANY EXCUSE TO RUN TO A WHITE WOMEN. IF YOU WANT TO BE A WHITE FOLKS n****r…THEN GO!!!
hey when most of you black women start letting a man be the leather then maybe yall will be able to keep a black man i mean white women dont have a problem with it latin women dont have a problem the only ones that b***h and complain is black women so sad
YOU WANT TO BE A LEADER…HALF OF YOU CAN’T READ OR WRITE SO HOW THE h**l CAN YOU TELL SOMEBODY ELSE WHAT TO DO????
I’M SICK TO DEATH OF THE “ANGRY BLACK WOMEN” HALF OF YOU WOULDN’T BE WHERE YOU ARE IF WE (BLACK WOMEN) HADN’T HELP YOU GET ON YOUR FEET.
LIKE I SAID, BLACK MEN HAVE BEEN BETRAYING BLACK WOMEN FOR YEARS. BUT NOW YOU HAVE MADE DATING WHITE WOMEN A HOBBY . IT MUST BE BECAUSE WHITE WOMEN ARE MORE NAIVE!!!
If you tell a lie often enough some stupid idiot will believe it. So, now they say black women are angry…mad…full of HIV etc. and black men are the first to believe it.
This lie was created to destroy the black family in America and it is working because most black men will crawl, walk or run to the white woman.
Between jail, abandoning their black children (boy’s especially) abandoning the black woman and running white woman, the black race in America is GONE! Most black men say “I want children with pretty hair”…Jerks. Again, not all black men but enough where the black family is GONE!
I also blame the black woman as I said in a previous post, educate yourself, have children you want and can afford, don’t doom another generation to poverty and the welfare check.
It’d be advisable to keep your broad brush strokes to yourself.
Statistics speak for themselves and 9 times out of 10, an educated brother will marry a sister. Further stats show that the there is an increase in interracial dating and marriage among Black people. The percentages for male and female are around the same, therefore, the math states that there are numerically more Black women dating and marrying white men/males than the other way around.
I have nothing but love and respect for my sisters and could not see myself without one, however I have run into my share of attitudes and closed minded perspectives (illustrated clearly by you and willa) which do not allow for a brother to approach you without the negative connotations assailing him from the very first conversation. (Clearly showing the “angry Black Woman” syndrome at it’s finest)
Before you accuse all Black Men of such things, I’d advise you to get to know more of them because from the sounds of it, I expect that the ones you do know are not Men, but rather the males that tend to over populate this generation or maybe it could just be your belief in what is shown in white controlled “liberal” media.
Sorry you have hurt feelings about my comments Chris. But, I don’t hang around with low life men. My parents were married for over 50 yrs. before my dad passed on and only to each other. They both worked, supported each other and loved each other. They sent us to religious “black schools” where the boys and their fathers were decent people.
I am not looking for a husband because mine died in 2008 at a young age (don’t smoke) and he was a very kind, hard working (blue collar, I have two degrees) and he was a very giving person.
Black Men I see today are loud, bossy argumentative, uneducated, lazy and I could go on and on. Not all,but so many until it hurts the race.
I am not angry, just observant. I am actually very SAD about what I see today. I get lots of offers and men talk to me daily, but I don’t want a man with no manners, and no morals, I am not your mommy, I am not into training a grown person. You appear to be guilty of what you preach, you put all black women in a category, at least I say some or most.
Trust in the fact that I am just as hurt and offended by most of the “class” of this generation of “men” as I am “women”.
If the case is true that you were married to such a man, then how is it in just about all your posts except the one you addressed to me, you did not specify many or most in reference to Black Men?
Not to belittle this conversation into back and forth accusation matches, but please show me where in my previous post did I make sweeping generalizations about Black women as a whole?
The very same characteristics that you use to identify Black Men (loud, bossy, argumentative, etc…) can just as easily be used in regards to quite a few Black females. I used the word females in regards to the immature of the gender as opposed to confusing them with the women and queens that are actually there.
Because in black males today that is all I see. I ran two errands today and went to gym and I am always observing and again, loud black men, rude black men, lewd black men, in fairness I did run into a decent black man at the pharmacy who was polite and friendly. No! I am not lying, it is true, I did have such a man, he is in heaven. I am not looking for another, but I am concerned for my young nieces who will be at an age to marry in a few years and all they say is they are “afraid of some black men or that the black boys in school perfer the white girls”.
This is why I look so closely at men to see what they are talking about and to see if it is as bad as they say. I too am afraid of most black men…sounds terrible, but you never know when you’ll get that hate.
I am not stupid, I know all black men are not bad, but there are so many bad ones until it is hard to spot one who is decent. And it is true the good ones do prefer women not of color, I believe they have been taught that this elevates their status in life and in America it does.
I don’t know what the answer is, but I’m not going to blog on this again, we need to blog on Obama-Biden in 2012 (NOV).
I find it hilarious that an article titled ‘are Black Men bitter, about relationship issues’ the first comments were and I’m sure more to come are Black Women complaining or stating their issues with Black Men. Then the hilarious ‘we are doing it all’ comments. This is like a Captain of a ship who can’t read a g*****n compass and no ideal which direction the ship is going in giving orders and in charge. I and most Black Men have been hearing this for the last 40 years. But whenever we have questions about this logic the finger gets pointed back at us. It’s like women want credit for being in charge and when the ship is sinking you want to blame the boiler room flunkee? Where are all these magical mystical businesses’ that Black Women own and operate that hire disenfranchised Black Men? Why is it that 99% of the Black Men who are in jail or were convicted of a crime come from single Black Mother households but yet Black Men get credit for that too when we weren’t even there to raise these losers. You have to admit that’s kind of funny. Black Men are the only species on the planet that get credit for doing something wrong when we are not even there, lol. Then the typical grocery list of demands that most women say in public that they want but ignore what they say to their girlfriends and their own fantasy male behind closed doors. They want the responsible guy, who can pay the bills and treat them with kindness and respect but at the same time keep his junk in his pants. This is the whole root of the problem. The fantasy world most women Black, White or whatever have in this country. Guess what that hustler, thug rapper, alpha male type that totes guns, has a nice flashy car(s), wears crazy jewelry that most women desire until they learn their lesson the hard way. That guy is not going to be a good husband, father and a long term provider that is emotionally available and present. Just like guys learn pretty quickly that the hoodrat with a $1000 weave, a*s and t**s hanging everywhere that has 500 Youtube twerk videos as her claim to fame is not going to make a good wife, mother or mate pretty early in life. Women sadly keep their fantasy male in their minds until almost a near death experience and after that happens we ALL get credit for that dude you chose. Men tend to think maybe I shouldn’t date certain types of women and there is something wrong with me for keep trying to be with the same type of w***e. While women think, oh I just got a bad one. The next dude of the same type will work out. Not to mention the whole concept of women choosing the mate for their girlfriends. If one of my boys ever made some stupid disrespectful comment about the woman I’m sleeping with or chose to be with he would get his a*s kicked or he wouldn’t be my friend. Either he’s jealous, he wants her, he want me to be alone like him or he really doens’t like her but I don’t care. Women listen to their girlfriends stupid a*s opinions about their man and encourage it. Then the whole self-absorbed nature of our current 21st century. Why do you want a mate in the first place? Loneliness, financial issues, s*x, companionship, someone to take care of you, help raising children, status symbols? Many people lie and say they are marrying or in a relationship for one thing but turns out to be one of those other things and things fall apart when your partner finally gets it. Other than procreating, men nowadays have no reason to marry another grown adult who just wants their bills free, housing free, baby sitting your kids free, and when asked to bring something to the table besides a v****a which we all love but it’s not necessary to marry a v****a to get access to one thanks to the s**t market being flooded. But thanks to Black Women diplomatic immunity and union you will never admit those women have driven your stock market down. What do you bring questions from men; get met with indignant response like despite whatever education, career and achievements you have made Black Man don’t mean s**t because you are a Black Man and should just be happy we don’t lynch you for opening your mouth, shine. On the same blogs calling all of us criminals and illiterate I have seen Black Women tell us our Degrees and financial success don’t mean s**t? Huh? Many men like myself have come to the conclusion that men not just Black Men can’t win, when we are always wrong. Since the rest of you women are never going to call your fellow sistren on hoe like behaviour. I don’t have to listen to a hoe run her mouth and can still get what I want, s*x. It’s as simple as that. I can admit with all my heart there are some knucklehead brothers who here who aren’t worth a d**n. The problem seems to me that I get credit for them and yet every Black Woman gets credit for being Oprah. Just like there are men out here who will label you as a lesbian, self-hating and uppity high class because you don’t want to date them or turn them down. There are women out here who call us gay because we are educated, self-hating because I don’t want to date someone who can’t spell dog and elitist because I don’t want to marry a video vixen with 3 kids by different rappers? If I get mad about it and ‘chimp out’, I suddenly become an abusive Black Male villian because I got mad at being verbally or physically abused by women who tell me in every other sense they are my equal except when it’s time to get checked? Conclusion. I am a Black Male which means, I am wrong about everything I just wrote. Right ladies?
@Lo and Beholden: Good post. You cover a lot of points. A few of them jump out:
(1) Sistahs allowing their “friends” to judge the value of their mate. Too much of that happens.
(2) Sistahs purposefully dating irresponsible men and then turning around and making the absurd claim that there are no good men available!
I always come back to the story in Tennessee: http://youtu.be/RTZk1y8iaho
Word had to have gotten around in the community that he was an irresponsible guy, incapable of taking care of the kids he’d already fathered. Yet, he continued to have access to several sistahs in the community. Did each new woman believe her v****a would somehow be magical enough to transform him into a great father? You cannot make this stuff up!
(3) Sistahs holding ALL brothas responsible for what a few irresponsible men they CHOSE to date did to them.
No, your post is not just wrong, it is STUPID”. And black women are stupid if they date or hang out with YOU. YUCK!
ok so what you telling me is that me being honest from personal experience is wrong please and for you to call my post stupid is childish of you il bet youre the typical black chick who feels she deserves special treatment well you know what go f**k youre self
Another stupid post, check your anger, it’s hilarious.
nah b***h am not angry am just a ignorant as n***a and youre justa bitter as black chick whos probally fat s**t am willing to bet my life that youre fat angry black b***h
Why are you calling BLACK women the “B” WORD or they have to be FAT. YOU ARE A PRIME EXAMPLE OF WHAT AN IGNORANT MAN SOUNDS LIKE THE WHITE WOMEN CAN HAVE YOU. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
for youre information my chick is black you dumb c**t
YOU ARE SOOOOO IGNORANT…I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
go lynch youre self
GO LYNCH YOUR SELF. YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE. YOU claim to be puerto rican ..so you you are mixed with a little black yourself. SO STOP BEING IGNORANT.
I REALLY THINK YOU ARE WHITE…AND JUST PUNKING OUT!!!
DON’T WRITE ME AGAIN.
I believe Diablo is a FAKE post intended to stop decent blogging about the subject matter.
ha ha ha you think iam a fake what i dont give a s**t what you think about me
THEN go away……..
If you don’t block posts which contain filth I will unsubscribe and ask my friends not to read your blog. It is very offensive to open a blog and see cursing and filth against women. Surely, you can block these people.
I HOPE YOUR GIRLFRIEND ISN’T AS IGNORANT AS YOU SOUND.
@Willa: Unfortunately, there is not a way to “block” persons from commenting, as someone can use alternate email addresses and keep commenting.
I have to be objective in deciding what is “offensive”, so please keep that in mind; however, I will not tolerate racial slurs and death threats.
Thank you for bringing your concerns to my attention. Comments that fit the aforementioned criteria have been removed.
Ree
Thanks! One blogger was posting such hate and it was very annoying.
No problem! Again, thank you for bringing your concerns to my attention. I was notified via Twitter this AM about several of the comments that meet the criteria I listed.
I’m not an advocate of racism nor violence of any kind. We should all strive to sort our differences in a manner that is respectful and purposeful.
Ree
Spot on about the original questions being asked of black men and the first response was women complaining…smh.
What a long winded ridiculous post. Black men get blamed when they are not there…WHY ARE YOU NOT THERE HANDLING YOUR RESPONSIBILITY?
I am so sick of TIRED black men and your lame A.. excuses. Be a man, step up not back…
Much respect for the commentary… It’s a little jumbling when it’s all in one paragraph, however I do understand the validity in your argument and agree with just about all of your post.
Thank you for your comments. I too am one of many brothers who decided long ago to practice good citizenship; specifically, by getting an education, not involving myself in the criminal justice system, having a great career, and possessing a great moral character. I love my culture and the color of my skin. I am an endangered species who demands that to be treated with dignity and respect. I too have been held in contempt of the sisterhood and by the sisterhood for being that NERD; who wants the better things in life. I am by no means going to participate in my own evolutionary or social “lynching” or the lynching of those who look like me. The stereotyping of us must stop because it is just wrong.
you got my respec
Lo and Beholden
No, you are no wrong about everything you just wrote. We actually just had an office discussion concerning the stock and value of black women nowadays, and yes…our stock is decreasing at a rapid pace.
But what is the cause? Babies having babies? Single Black Women households? Or is it the fact that media portrays that women who act in this nature as the only ones to attractive our black man. That is not the case but unfortunately our young black women don’t know this.
Chris Brown was recently quoted as saying: “The good ones are going to go extinct if we keep glorifying hoes.”
Our black men endure a lot…but so do our black women. As much as you get the rep as the knuckle head brotha…I get the rep for Boomquisha that stays on the block. Every black woman is neither a w***e nor hood. When we get a little bit of education we don’t lose ourselves. When we get a lil money we don’t jump ship. Either we look for one of the same yolk or we seek potential and support our black man to help them rise to the top.
You Ask: Why is it that 99% of the Black Men who are in jail or were convicted of a crime come from single Black Mother households but yet Black Men get credit for that too when we weren’t even there to raise these losers.
Answer: Exactly. You weren’t there. You do the math.
It’s a catch 22. It’s such a Taboo to date black women worldwide…especially American black women. A majority of races l**t for us sexually, but wouldn’t dare bring us home to meet their parents. Yet the entire world goes CRAZY in love over black men. Competition is steep… I won’t give up on a black man and I hope they don’t give up on us. We need to hold each other down.
Thank you the positive post…..
you welcome
We’ve been holding them down for years. As soon as they get a lil leeway… when society said black men are cool, they left. Why stay right? Why “deal” with it now?
We want you as black women to want you as black men to want more. You’ve gotten too complacent. Blacks as a whole are too complacent.
Look at the number of black women graduating vs. men. Numbers don’t lie. But still…we wont give up.
If your attracted to white women because you like th
what eva happen to just falling in love with some one does being of the same race really matters really love aint got no color or no race ive never been an a*s hole to black women the ones ive dated i was good but they did me dirty am not mad but hey latin women love me and i love them
Diablo (devil)? Man, have been reading your post. Why are you on here disrespecting black women when you said you are not even a black man. You are low down can’t believe you even have a woman, probably a down low hating brother.D
well hey am gona leave it like this when i say what i say i mean it it dosent apply to all black women but it does applie to sime only the ones that get ofended those are the ones am talking bout and just so you know iam black my self i love black women nothing wrong with black women but we do got some that are pretty f**k up with f**k up attitudes and am not gona deffend no women with a f**k up attitude i dont care about color and race all that is some 1960,s s**t this is 2012
Please stop posting, you have a severe language problem and it is called “indecent filth”.
No human speaks or writes this way, I believe you are a racist posting on this blog to incite hard feeling among African-Americans.
you really think iam a racist white person girl am black as h**l i just dont give a f**k
Low and Beholden and all other complaining men,
THAT’S JUST IT! YOU WEREN’T THERE!!! IN PARALLEL LIFE, NONE of those atrocities exist. There, YOU ARE TRUTH and LIFE FLOURISHES!!!
NOTHING ELSE NEEDS TO BE SAID…
I go on dates and have great times and hear that I say all the “right” things and that I’m so intelligent and beautiful. “Let’s do this again!”, I hear. Great!
By the third date, we get into other aspects of our lives and I mention my four children…..www.DEADINTHEWATER.com. Things go from potential to “sextalk” and/or no further contact.
Men need to get over the fact that the majority of women that come into in has AT LEAST one child. We are being held in contempt for living our lives before you came along. If you see value in me and get all excited about me meeting your mother, how does the value of my person change simply because i have children? Clearly you deduced that I’m maintaining SOMETHING well. Most of us women don’t stop living just because we have children and relationships don’t work out. We move on!!!
Not all of us have “baby-daddy drama” either; as a matter of fact the last guy I dated became angry because NO father was around! I run this home with my children fully involved in their own growth. I explained the father is my ex, not my baby daddy. He has to oblige all the rules of an ex. I cannot make time to chase him down and go to court and run to his mamma house and his current home to ask for so little compared to what he CAN do if he wants to! I have other things going on and I don’t need to distract myself any longer than the relationship lasted.
Yes, we get tired like any other human. Yes, we need pampering liike any other human. But know that if we find our selves doing for our selves for so long, after some time, are we wrong to depend on SELF and are we wrong to hesitate handing over the reigns to someone who so much as even hesitates to take out the garbage?
Our homes are not boarding houses (no matter HOW we got them, prograam or not). Many of us are grateful to have just that and we keep it up to par. We expect that when you come in, you have what you expect of us. Legal, on the books income, drive and determination, continuation, approachability, of Love, understanding of self and the world, common sense, and for most of us a sense of spirituality and the ability express such.
BUILDING is required, paying bills is required, raising children (if you date someone with such) is required. THESE are REALITY! Otherwise YOU, sir are an abuser and user.
For you men who are hiding behind your daughters, stop it! You use them as security blankets in order not to deal with women. NO, your daughter is NOT the “WOMAN in your LIFE”, she is your DAUGHTER, raise her as such. Deal with women on an adult scale. No one is ever good enough because they are not lie the woman who made your daughter, yet you may not even be with the mother anymore. You sirs, also must move on. NO, you don’t have a “forever pass” to your child’s mother/s v****a. Why don’t you just marry her then? You ruin her relationships as much as she ruins yours. The ex is the ex for a reason. GO away!!
We could do this for days! We NEED to do this!! Get it on the table, talk on it, clear up misconceptions, join forces, build families, keep those who don’t want to change, at a distant without holding their oppressive, nonprogressive guilt over our heads and MOVE FORWARD TO LIVING! IT’S OK TO BE INTELLIGENT, IT’S OK to KNOW BETTER AND DO BETTER! IT’S OK TO RAISE AN ABSENT PARENTS CHILDREN! TAKE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE! IT’S OK TO BE BLACK AND CONFIDENT! IT’S OK TO BE LOVING AND KIND! IT’S OK TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS AND TO FORGIVE! MY GOD, WITH ALL THE EVIL THAT THE CABAL IS DOING IN OUR NAME, I”M READY ALREADY!!! CAN WE RAISE TO HEAVEN?!
Errors sorry
*Men need to get over the fact that the majority of women that they come into has AT LEAST one child.
*No one is ever good enough because they are not LIKE the woman who made your daughter,
I started to read these post and they sounded like nails raking on a chalk board. we cannot even dialogue with respect.such cruel and accusatory assertions. quite frankly being single may b the best thing because from just a conversation we combust. Before we offer up ourselves in unity it seems we need to learn how to respect each other .
@word in motion…beautifully,respectfully and honestly said..
love it!!
We all did not com from the same tribes. Many of us are a blend of ethnicity. Where I live there is a large portion of our population that are Native American, French, Portuguese and German. Yet we are all considered African Americans. There is a tendency to commit cultural fission inter-personally in the search for a mate. If we do
not know who we are we do not know how to be in the context of our emotional and sociological impetus from generation to generation. Add the w***y Lynch affect and Red Lining and you greatly shorten the shelf life of any relationship that requires the sage adroit ability to function above the deceptive forces of oppression. Across this nation there is a swelling storm of Female Rage which adds to the oppression and hence increases communal vulnerability. Communication ceases and and honesty drops to the floor as men face the screams of Banshee and the Viperous glaring eyes of Medusa. Running the gauntlet is a Native American
construct for being accepted into the village. If you are approved you survive. This does not work for proper dating, courtship and marriage. In order to arrive one must know the steps needed for getting there. There… being the establishment of a sound family.
Without this nations crumble from within.
The white race found out how to destroy the black race in America (by destroying the black family) and they are on the verge of completion.
The black man and the white woman are their weapons of war. The black woman has become the villain…so sad!
my god you sound so stupid you actually think white would wast there time trying to destroy black families this is 2012 not 1912 get over it s***s getting old always blaming white people for everything
DIABLO..
YOU are the STUPID ONE. I AM BLAMING BLACK MEN (NOT ALL) FOR Being so self centered and not looking at HOW THEY HAVE HELPED DESTROY THE BLACK FRAMILY BY ABANDONING BLACK WOMEN.
White people NOT WASTING their time destroying black families. YOU NEED TO WAKE UP!!! THIS IS 2012 and THEY ARE TRYING TO STOP US FROM VOTING AMONG OTHER THINGS.
i dont give a f**k what white people do am to bussy with what am doing
WILLA
I agree that the whites race has set out to destroy black people by pitting up against EACH OTHER and it’s STILL WORKING to this day. BUT I don’t believe they ever thought that A WHITE WOMEN would SWITCH SIDES AND GO AGAINST THEM.
You are wrong, they have used their trash to bring down the black race. Even our most influential black men who have white mates scrapped them from the bottom of the gene pool.
The white race as a whole does not mind sacrificing a few of what they consider beneath them. White women with black men are usually from poor families, uneducated, and lack a command of the english language.
Just take a look at them, even their color (hue) of skin is a pale amber color, the skin color of trash in their race.
YOU ARE CORRECT in stating that BLACK MEN are scraping the bottom of the barrel when choosing a WHITE women but in the end the WHITE RACE WILL BECOME “DILUTED”. With INTERACIAL COUPLES and IMMIGRATION…WHITES WILL BECOME THE “MINORITY” IN THE NEXT 10-15 YEARS.
If you believe what you say about the conspiracy to destroy us by pitting us against ourselves, why are you being so belligerent? Perhaps cooling down a bit and trying to find some common ground with the fellas would be more productive and less destructive, no?
YOU mistake PASSION FOR BELLIGERENT. Seems like we are way pass fiind common ground.
Interesting…I was talking to a female friend who is Hispanic. She said she never dates Hispanic men because they sleep around, have no ambition, and create a lot of confusion because they lie. Most of my Hispanic friends have husbands who don’t work, although they have masters degree. One friend has a Doctoral degree and the men she meets barely have a GED. That’s not the problem. The problem is, she said she felt like she was talking to a children. All the men she met were mechanics with bad attitudes, or they don’t work. I was surprised to see her tell Hispanic men we know that they were good for about three things (I won’t say what they are). (No respect!)
My friend’s ex-husband is Black and he treated her horribly. She said Hispanic and white women put with things Black women refuse to deal with. I think she’s right. I am happy and peaceful, and I intend to stay that way. My friend’s observations were similar to mine: men need to evolve. They don’t have empathy, responsibility, or chivalry. They don’t protect us or have out backs. They’re full of drama as they go from one woman to another looking for they-don’t-know-what.
I am Black, have a friendly relationship with my ex-husband who wrote me, after our divorce, to say that he was not mature enough to appreciate me when he had me. Don’t fight over the white woman thing; they mistreat white women too. Black men keep telling us to lower our standards. I won’t do it, but I have hope.
I just want to say that you all, the men and the women on here have made some very ignorant blind sided opinions in my eyes. I love my black men, he treats me like a queen as does my daddy! My parents have been married for a long time and so have my grandparents but I have definitely seen their struggles! What is sad to me is that we hate on and blame each other and don’t even realize the forces that have separated us- we don’t know our history!!! You all should go rent Hidden Colors and A Great Mighty Walk. Don’t you know that the first thing that was mandated to break down in African families to use them for their knowledge and labor was the black female and male relationships??? The Willie Lynch letter is not a myth, it is a form evidencing the kinds of methods and teachings from slave to corporate owners about how to control large masses of the black people and exploit them for cheap labor for the hundreds of years that would propel the West to build the industrial revolution. The primary function of this mental degradation was the breakdown of the male/female relationship, and the family dynamic. This lasted for centuries and we were still getting lynched, and raped up until this last history…ofcourse we have problems y’all! We never even asked how we felt, got anything to mend all those broken pieces, not physiological compensation but more important emotional or psychological. Jews and others, war prisoners and others are able to get that kind of healing. Do you know what we have experienced for 400+ years and are left to patch ourselves???? And through all that we push, we fight, we rise! Please don’t be so better and recognize this issue in a larger plot and larger system…once we know the chain is there we can break it, we can quit pointing the finger and say wow I can see how if you were sold off and spat on and kept from being able to provide and be a man over and over…wow I can see how if you were told you were a B, and raped and said you were second and less of a woman over over and over these issues would be here. Even more so it would be clear to us that wait a minute, we’ve been taught to believe the black man was that worthless and stupid and ignorant but you wouldn’t keep a book from someone who was so stupid, you wouldn’t tell your woman to stay away from someone you thought was so inferior and wasn’t threatened by, of course you would infest his streets with drugs and leave him in a jungle to fight like a beast if you thought he could possibly take over if given a fair chance to compete with you. It would be clear to us that wait a minute we’ve been taught that the black woman was less a woman, uglier and inferior in every regard and to uphold your woman but how can someone so second hand be good enough to provide breast milk to your child, cook and clean for you and create a warm atmosphere in your home, not to mention that she must’ve been pretty irresistible that you had to keep going out of your home and taking her body from her man and having children with her. Open your eyes young brothas and sisats, the entire world comes from “black” every thing is a variation from it and just a migrated tribe from Afrika. You have a lot to be proud about and its obvious why there was so much exploitation and depletion in a place so resource rich, why the people there were so skilled and demeaned to so much- it couldn’t have been because they were useless, worth nothing and second rate inferior people- why else would so much be put into trying to prove them less and keep them down. All these different factors, all these different forces? It must be because they are powerful beyond measure!!!!!
Please Watch. Our Love aint a Ceiling y’all!!!!
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x788fd_jill-scott-ain-t-a-ceiling-full-ver_creation
Dedicated to my boo!!
Monique! everything you said is true! be patient!be blessed!
Guys, check out the discussion Dr. Watkins and I had regarding this topic. It’s a must see, especially for the ladies.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhWGtHQ6kHs&w=420&h=315
Two things before I get into this:
Did anyone here read the article and answer the questions from it?
Why must people type in ALL CAPS? There’s no need to yell to get heard. That’s an indication of anger and bitterness right there.
Anyway here are my answers to the questions from the article.
1.
Beauty, Health, Energy Intelligence, Originality, Loyalty, Patience, Sense of Humor, Open-Mindedness
I put beauty first only because attractiveness is THE initial spark no matter what BS people tell you. It isn’t the most important thing of course and beauty isn’t just about outside appearance.
2.
No. I’ve dated outside my race and find that there are more similarities than differences. An eligible good woman is hard to find no matter what her race is.
3.
1) Women often judge too quickly and too absolute. I’m 38 never been married and with no children so automatically I’m supposed to either be a playboy, someone who can’t/won’t commit or undercover homosexual. No one’s life is never this simple folks.
2) Many women have a different approach to dating than I do. These types look at it as ‘what are your intentions with me?’ I’m the type that is simply trying to get to know you and would like to have fun while doing it. I don’t even know if I like the person yet I just know that I’m interested. To me dating should be a time to unwind, relax and have fun. When the question of ‘is this the one?’ or ‘could I/would I want to be with this person for the long haul?’ come in then the date loses its flavor IMO. That stuff should come up after a real connection has been made and the couple has been together for a little bit.
Some of us on these comments need to take the edge off a little bit. Stop buying into the ol’ ‘Us vs. Them’ battle of the sexes partisan style of looking at things. That only gets in the way of progress. We have to get back to seeing each other as human beings first, before men and women.
Whoops.
I forgot to write Strength as a desirable quality. And I don’t mean the type of ‘strength’ where a lady out yells someone or brags about how she doesn’t need a man (no shyt)…I mean the type of strength that a woman who’s been kicked around and dealt a bad hand but still gets up again and again and makes the best of things.
DIABLO
ONE last thing. WALK up to A BLACK PERSON and say LYNCH YOURSELF…you COWARD..
b***h kill youre self the world would be a better place without people like you and dumb hoe am black
FAKE!
1) A woman who doesn’t feel the need to compete with me. Be yourself, and I’ll be me.
2) If I’m going along, hoeing a row, I don’t need someone walking along saying, “Look, you missed a spot.” Get a shovel, or rake, or hoe, and help.
3) The understanding that neither of us will ALWAYS be right. Acknowledging that your man is right sometimes, does not make you weak, it makes your man want to do more for you.
4) Think before you act. You and he are putting your best face foward when you meet, but that does not mean that you or he has met the real person. Wait a while. If it is the real thing, it’ll last.
5 Don’t use your v****a as a weapon, or a barganing chip.
6) Go to the place where the kind of man you want hangs out. If you like going to church, don’t try to find your mate at the club.
7) That man is not your possession. You don’t own him, and he does not own you.
8) If he says that he cannot live without you, that is not necessarily a complement. You should have at least one question: “Who do you want to get rid of, you or me. If it’s you, okay. If it’s me, we’ve got a problem.
9) If he really wants you, he also wants to be good to you and provide for you as best he can. You can’t force it. If he isn’t good to you, maybe he just isn’t that into you. Accept it and move on.
10) Don’t accept anything with a p***s, just to have one around. Vibrators, in to long run, are much cheaper and safer.
CHRIS
THE (NOT ALl)…BLACK MEN was written MAY 06, 2012 AT 9:17 PM AND NOT 9:19 PM. my bad
THE (NOT ALL) BLACK MEN comment was written MAY 06, 2012 AT 9:17 PM …. NOT 9:19 PM….
CHRIS
I PUT DOWN MAY 06 2012 AT 9:19 PM AND IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN 9:17 PM…
Honestly coming from a man that has female friends and one day plan to marry, from my experiences and siters and other black women I know, many of them would have a man if they were not caught up in looks. When most black men work, educated, has a good Godly lifestyle, and presents himself well, they find something that they don’t like about him. Its like they will rather change a pretty boy b*m and hope it works rather than look in the inside of a guy that will take care of them. I see it all the time from teenage on up. I’m trying to teach my daughter about this…And some not all>>>
First, I think the questions mentioned in the article are good questions.
Second, Black men and women don’t know how to talk to each other. We both have dealt with and deal with pain on a regular basis and there is this competition to prove who has it worse. It’s not a competition. Both parties need to be built up. Men want support and acknowledgment and women want love and affection. However, as Black people, we get in our own way sometimes and have these projected notions of how the other person is going to be. We both need to stop projecting how the man/woman is going to act.
I am currently in a relationship with a WONDERFUL Black man. He’s everything I need him to be. Our biggest issues were communication issues. We are currently in the process of working those out, but that has to be acknowledged by both parties before any progress/solutions can begin. Our relationship is just a microcosm of the bigger issues within the Black community. And until both Black men and women stop talking at the same time, it won’t work. I’ve dated outside my race numerous times in the past and the dynamic IS different, but I think one of the differences between interracial dating is that you don’t assume you “know” the other person. I dated a Vietnamese guy (great guy), but I didn’t presume to “know” him because 1) I didn’t know his culture that well, 2) he was different and getting to know him an adventure. The same could be said for him regarding “knowing” me. So, I think Black men and women think we “know” each other and therein lies some problems.
Now, if we want to break this down on a familial level, Black families are failing. Strong individuals make strong families which make strong communities. They are all intertwined and we’re only as strong as the weakest link. Right now, we’re failing with all three. The Black community is WEAK, and until Black men and women get it together, that’s what we’ll be…WEAK.
I think there needs to be honest discussion about how Black men and women communicate with each other and that will at least be a stepping stone to a solution.
Hey guys! This post is intended to ignite CONVERSATION, not verbal assaults… Please, please, please respect each other in giving your point of view on this topic.
Again, this post is intended for CONVERSATION, not verbal assaults. How can we begin to solve a problem if we’re too busy pointing fingers and calling each other names???
Thank you for your cooperation, your understanding, and your feedback. I greatly appreciate it.
Ree
P.S. If you haven’t seen it already, check out Dr. Watkins and I as we discuss this topic: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhWGtHQ6kHs&w=420&h=315
The struggles of the black culture are very real, and unfortunately, they aren’t going to be resolved with in-fighting. It is obvious there is bitterness enough on all sides to go around.
The original post was asking:
1) What qualities are you seeking in a “good” woman?
2) Do you feel compelled to date outside of your race to find a “good” woman?
3) What frustrates you the most about dating?
I continue to believe that quality is quality; regardless of where one finds it. I believe that loyalty, reliability, and kindness are the foundation of any “good” woman or man. You build from there. If one of you doesn’t have a job, well he or she is looking for one or contributing in other ways.
Someone who wants to keep side women or men is not ready to sacrifice themselves to a real relationship — it only causes hurt and bitterness. Relationships are between the man and the woman. Any woman or man who has to air their personal laundry to their friends or family and seek their approval is weakening the bond between them.
Children are the responsibility of those who created them. Even if a man and woman choose not to stay together, there is no less requirment for BOTH of them to love and support this child. Otherwise, next time use a condom.
Interracial relationships. If a man or woman is attracted to another human being and wants to be with them, that is their business. If they happen to be of another race or culture, that is their business. To simply castigate white females who choose black males as uneducated dregs of society is racist. And yes, racism is available in all colors and creeds.
No relationship is easy. Life isn’t easy. But we all know when someone is truly dedicated to us as versus playing us. Leave the baggage out with the trash. Start fresh and give each other a chance. No one of us individually is responsible for all of the ills of past history. Change starts one person at a time. Be brave enough to embrace hope in your life; rather than thinking of all the wrongs. Bless.
To many black men are lazy
Willa,
I have seen far too many of your comments in which you have been just as lazy in your generalizations and your continued assault on Black Men as a whole. If you’d like to continue with educated responses then you’d be welcome to reengage, but until then I will kindly ask you to remove yourself and your bias from the discussion at hand.
Thanks for your comment. Dry humor makes me LAUGH!
You’re welcome. Thank you for your ignorance… it’s refreshing to take a break from real discussion every now and again.
Thank you “Seeking Perspective” for your comments. I think that it fair to say that we the brothers are tired of the stereotypes.
You know is people stopped placing blame on each other for there bad experiences and started making better choices in a mate then we wouldnt even have to have this discussion.
I seen chicks turn up there noses to great guys that have been in there lives a long time that actually love them. Why? multiple reasons like, he to nice, or he dont have a big car.
Then I seen dudes turn up they nose to sweet women cause they skin to dark or they over weight or they want to just have a girl they can show off to there guy friends.
I seen guys that only date crazy females and then complain about them being insane and vise versa.
This whole discussion comes down to personal responsibility. its really not about race at all. crazy comes in all sizes and shapes and colors. We gotta stop putting the blame on others and recognize when we are making bad personal decisions in a mate.
if a person tells you from the beginning that they are crazy loud and irresponsible and then they prove it to you by there actions or you here from other people about the stupid s**t they did then that is a good sign that you might be involving yourself with the wrong person.
There are signs people. And folks ignore s**t cause they think they in love. then they get hurt and wanna say black women are horrible and black men are dogs. Learn from your mistakes. If a guy shows you his p***s 5 minutes after you meet you are not going to have a good experience with him and he will not be a good father to your kids. it dont matter what car he got or how much he make he probably doesnt plan to share it with you. It doesnt matter if he is Black or white.
If a chick puts her hand in your pants and aggressivley tries to get you in her bed and she is known for being crazy and has already got 3 kids that are with other people. then it is highly likely you might be here 4th baby daddy in training and she wants to get something out of you.
Use your brain! this is about making good choices and save yourself from bad relationships. Stop blaming the new boyfriend or girlfriend for the things another person did to you in the past.And stop dating the same kinds of jerks and a**holes over and over again.