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by Ree, “The (Ree)lationship Guide”
I recently ran across a photo of Usher Raymond and his ex-wife Tameka Foster in court continuing their fight for custody of their two children- I’m assuming. This amazing photo captures a vast array of tensions. In the foreground, you see a solemn Usher appearing as if he’s trying to hold himself together while Tameka Foster, with a sinister smirk on her face, exudes the persona of a “I have nothing to lose but everything to gain” attitude. I can vividly remember listening to a hip-hop station in Dallas, Texas, in which Usher was the featured guest on the show and the radio hosts were grilling him about his marriage to Tameka Foster. Usher was noticeably annoyed with the radio hosts’ interrogation about his wife. He passionately expressed his love for her and sternly diverted the conversation to his music. At this moment, he probably wouldn’t have too many pleasant things to say about her during another radio interview.
I’m always fascinated by the drastic difference in the level of respect a person has for their significant other when they’re in-love with them vs. when they’re out-of-love with them. It’s practically night and day. How do you go from professing undying love for one another to threatening to share every dirty secret about each other with the world?
Here are three things that cause outrage in relationships: 1) betrayal, 2) wishful thinking, and 3) judgement.
Betrayal: The moment someone feels betrayed in the relationship, they seem to acquire a “gloves off” approach to dealing with the pain/frustration of the act(s). The best thing to do is find ways to quickly detach yourself from that individual- if you simply can’t find a way to work through the matter. The quicker you remove yourself from that individual, the faster you can heal.
Wishful Thinking: Believing that you know everything there is to know about your significant other will set you up for failure. One of my favorite high school teachers once said the biggest mistake couples make before marriage is believing they know each other 100% before exchanging vows. He encouraged us to get to know the core of someone (75% of them) and leave room to learn the rest about that person (the remaining 25%) post marriage.
Judgement: Being fearful or concerned about what people have to say about your relationship oftentimes fuels erratic behavior. Persons who have the “I’m going to get them before they get me” mentality will do whatever it takes to make sure they appear to be “winning” from the breakup. It’s ok to listen to opinions, if you feel the need to, but don’t feel pressured to appear a certain way for the sake of a reputation. Attempting to uphold a reputation will prolong your process for healing after a breakup.
I’m not exactly sure why Usher and Tameka’s marriage failed, but I sincerely hope they can make amends and find it in their hearts to be cordial to each other for the benefit of their two children.
Ree “The (REE)lationship Guide” is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com. Follow her on Twitter: @iDateDaily