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The (Ree)lationship Guide: There Really Is a Thin Line Between Love and Hate

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by Ree, “The (Ree)lationship Guide”

R&B Recording Artist Usher Raymond and Ex-Wife Tameka Foster

I recently ran across a photo of Usher Raymond and his ex-wife Tameka Foster in court continuing their fight for custody of their two children- I’m assuming. This amazing photo captures a vast array of tensions. In the foreground, you see a solemn Usher appearing as if he’s trying to hold himself together while Tameka Foster, with a sinister smirk on her face, exudes the persona of a “I have nothing to lose but everything to gain” attitude. I can vividly remember listening to a hip-hop station in Dallas, Texas, in which Usher was the featured guest on the show and the radio hosts were grilling him about his marriage to Tameka Foster. Usher was noticeably annoyed with the radio hosts’ interrogation about his wife. He passionately expressed his love for her and sternly diverted the conversation to his music. At this moment, he probably wouldn’t have too many pleasant things to say about her during another radio interview.

I’m always fascinated by the drastic difference in the level of respect a person has for their significant other when they’re in-love with them vs. when they’re out-of-love with them.  It’s practically night and day. How do you go from professing undying love for one another to threatening to share every dirty secret about each other with the world?

Here are three things that cause outrage in relationships: 1) betrayal, 2) wishful thinking, and 3) judgement.

Betrayal: The moment someone feels betrayed in the relationship, they seem to acquire a “gloves off” approach to dealing with the pain/frustration of the act(s). The best thing to do is find ways to quickly detach yourself from that individual- if you simply can’t find a way to work through the matter. The quicker you remove yourself from that individual, the faster you can heal.

Wishful Thinking: Believing that you know everything there is to know about your significant other will set you up for failure. One of my favorite high school teachers once said the biggest mistake couples make before marriage is believing they know each other 100% before exchanging vows. He encouraged us to get to know the core of someone (75% of them) and leave room to learn the rest about that person (the remaining 25%) post marriage.

Judgement: Being fearful or concerned about what people have to say about your relationship oftentimes fuels erratic behavior. Persons who have the “I’m going to get them before they get me” mentality will do whatever it takes to make sure they appear to be “winning” from the breakup. It’s ok to listen to opinions, if you feel the need to, but don’t feel pressured to appear a certain way for the sake of a reputation. Attempting to uphold a reputation will prolong your process for healing after a breakup.

I’m not exactly sure why Usher and Tameka’s marriage failed, but I sincerely hope they can make amends and find it in their hearts to be cordial to each other for the benefit of their two children.

 

Ree “The (REE)lationship Guide” is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com. Follow her on Twitter: @iDateDaily

The (Ree)lationship Guide

Ree "The (REE)lationship Guide" is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com.

13 Comment

  1. I think you hit a home run.

  2. There ain’t no thin line. There’s the bottom line…gettin’ paid.

    First of all, when a marriage ends that quickly there was no real love to begin with.

    Second, when people get that down and dirty it is because they never had any character/morals to begin with.

    Finally, the stakes are high. Usher protecting what he has worked for versus sistah’s girl gettin’ paid for the rest of her life.

  3. How did that picture make its way out of that courtroom in the first place? Cameras were not allowed in the courtroom at . I smell something staged.

  4. Look at little closer, he’s checking his phone, not trying to “hold himself together”–staged much?

    • It actually looks like they are both checking their phones. There facial expressions may have more to do with a text message than the court case.

  5. It is a bit of a hijacking when a woman uses her wiles to destroy a man emotionally and tax him financially. Usher seems like a nice guy, and this Tameka is not doing much for her and other women’s reputation. After trying to ensure that she never has to work another day in her life, for just being able to flip on her back from time to time, she now wants to deprive the man of his children…. The courts should start looking at the earning potential of these women before, during and after; and consider their abilities as their worth in case where they were prevented from having a career. When you see cases like these, you don’t have to wonder again why so many of our financially successful Black men seek refuge in the arms of White and other women of different races.

    • @Warren:
      first of all, it takes two to tango. u don’t know either personally, so how do u know who’s @ fault in this. second, it aint like white women don’t take their @sses for everything they’ve got! they r far worse! yet another justification for marrying outside the race huh warren? i wonder what race ur mama is! was she good enuf to birth & raise up ur black @ss? black men r the only race of men that don’t think their own women r good enuf to marry. even going so far as to chastise a successful black man for marrying a black woman. as a race, we suffer w. serious serious self hatred!

  6. Here, Here, DaTruth, tell it like it is because he really doesn’t know does he!!!!

  7. They only things these money worshiping, using their children as meal ticket hoez have in common with my mother is breast, overies and a vajayjay.I am married to a black woman because she set herself apart from hookers like Tameka.My mother would be ashamed to be associated with a doodoo turd like her.

  8. Turd.

  9. Usher need to let do what she is going to do. The only reason why she is doing that is the money like the bible says ehat goes around also comes around again. She may have at ugly smile on her face. But one thing I do know god can take that same smile off of her face. So Usher don't let devil get to you and just look at the devil in,the face and say I got god on my side what about you.

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