Photography by Nick Hopkins; Chicago, IL

by The (Ree)lationship Guide

Things can become very frustrating for your significant other when you refuse to loosen your tightened bond with your mother. I’ve heard horror stories from people who have dated men who are also “dating” their own mother.

Before you decide to bring someone else into your life full-time, you must do these 4 things below:

1. Notify your mom.  

Before you decide to exclusively date someone, you must give your mom a “heads up”. If you’ve consistently spent a substantial amount of your time with her, it would be rude and hurtful to abruptly cut her out of your life. Let her know you have an interest in getting serious with someone and will be decreasing time spent with her. Your mom will obviously be upset, but she’ll have time to digest the gradual “separation” that awaits you and her.

2. Don’t expect your significant other to be your mom.

I’m well aware that most men and women seek attributes of their parent in their mate; however, do not expect your significant other to be a reincarnation of your mother. Mothers tend to be self-less and generally place priority on their kid’s life than their own. You and your significant other are a unit. Don’t leave the decision-making solely up to your lover- as your mother would do for you. You must make decisions together to grow.

3. Don’t discuss your relationship with your mom.

A common mistake my male clients make is asking their mom for advice regarding their relationship. If your mother is objective, i.e. capable of delivering unbiased advice, seek her advice; however, the mother of a mama’s boy is generally unable to distinguish between her personal bias towards her son’s relationship vs the reality of  the circumstance. It is imperative to discuss your relationship “highs and lows” with your significant other. From there, you and your significant other can decide on whether or not you guys  are interested  in sharing information with each other’s friends and/or family members.

4. Dilute tension between your mom and your lover.

It’s safe to assume that the moment your mother realizes your growing attachment for someone else, her jealousy may cause her to dislike your lover. Dilute tension between your mother and your significant other by inviting your mother to dinner with you and your lover. If feasible, allow your lover to spend one-on-one time with your mother. They don’t have to become best friends, but your mother will not be at ease until she feels her son has met someone who is capable of complementing him.

Ree “The (REE)lationship Guide” is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com. Follow her on Twitter: @iDateDaily

The (Ree)lationship Guide

Ree "The (REE)lationship Guide" is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com.