The (Ree)lationship Guide: 3 Reasons Why Chivalry is Dying and It’s Your Fault

I frequently hear complaints about chivalry from my clients. The biggest complaint from the ladies? Chivalry is diminishing. The biggest complaint from the males? Chivalry isn’t appreciated.  Below is a list of the top 3 reasons why chivalry is dying at our own account.

1. Lack of Self-Respect

People can “sniff” low self-esteem in another person like a German Shepherd “sniffs” fear in a child. Why are you attempting to date or acquire a relationship when you haven’t dated and/or acquired a relationship with yourself? You can’t find love in yourself through someone else.  Work on being the best you that you can be. Self-respect is so vivid that it is communicated (non-verbally) to those who are in the presence of someone with it.

2.  Promotion of the “Playa”

How many of you have looked at a handsome little boy and said “He’s going to be a playa’ when he grows up” ? Although the statement is casual, it is still instilling a promiscuous lifestyle in our community. Little boys shouldn’t be encouraged to deceive women. They should be taught to love and respect women as they’d want a man to love and respect the women in their family.

3. The Rude Girl Syndrome

Contrary to popular belief, men do have feelings. When a man opens a door for you, give him a simple gesture (e.g. a smile, a nod, a “thank you”) to recognize him for his deed. The less appreciation women show for chivalry, the less men will feel inclined to be chivalrous.

 

 

Ree “The REE-lationship Guide” is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University. She is a contributing writer for YourBlackWorld.net and BlackLikeMoi.com. Follow her on Twitter: @iDateDaily

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There are 9 comments for this article
  1. Aisha Jackson at 4:19 pm

    I agree with him on almost all points! I grew up with brothers and I am the only female. My brothers never liked the desparate women. Nor the easy women! Not as keepers! Its so sad how women have become so aggressive and how it seems they want to redefine the roles! I dont like it! I like alpha males or men like my stepfather! Who know how to lead and be head of household without being chauvanous pigs!

  2. David2001 at 4:31 pm

    Most of the issues woman have today are due to the choices women in the late 60s-70s made. The feminist movement killed Chivalry.

  3. Hassan Hartley at 8:34 pm

    Most black women I open doors for or do some chivalrous gesture towards, say absolutely NOTHING. I stopped doing it. When sisters get their attitude together, I’ll reconsider. I literally saw a white man open a door to let a sister out of a store, the same store I opened the door to let her in, and she smiled and thanked the white boy, but blew me off. Self hate is a MF.

  4. Chris at 1:17 am

    It’s very interesting to see the responses here on the page because honestly I can echo some of the very same experiences.
    While I do not believe that Chivalry is particularly dead, but I do believe that it’s comatose and close to passing.
    It’s in the interest of all to continue to be the best people that we can be in order to preserve the standards that we should be accustomed to as opposed to working with sub-par situations and disrespect.
    Pride in one’s self and community will help build better relationships among yourself and your mates.

  5. BETTY at 1:49 am

    I HAVE ALWAY’S LOVED OUR MEN,AND I HAVE ALWAY’S BEEN A LADY,BUT I CONSTANTLY KEEP HEARING BLACK WOMEN REFERING TO THEMSELVES AS “bitches”, and also hear black men saying the same thing’s,i don’t like that word!we all need to respect each other more!

  6. mmdccbslm at 2:32 am

    tell it. prevent ignorance and low self-esteem by starting early. raise up a child that respects their own self and be sure they are part of a community that engenders respect.

    ignorance is not respected, especially among the ignorant and ignorance is a vicious infection in our communities.

    We need to cure it with love and respect.

  7. anonymous at 9:02 pm

    The reason chivalry is dead is because the dating culture in black america has changed. We no longer worship solid middle class values. We worship “hard-core ghetto” values.

    I don’t even know why we waste time pretending that women want chivalry. You see the choices women make in men, how they dress, and how they carry themselves.

    Women don’t appreciate chilvary because at their core they are attracted to the playa’. Since numbers don’t lie, why do black people continue to do so?

  8. linda at 12:19 am

    i always get doors opened for me. my husband insists on it. a lot of white older men will hold the door and my husband holds the door for other women and i don’t mind. i always thank whoever holds the door for me. it might be a generational thing tho. i’m 62 and my husband is 61. we are black. from day one he’s always held the door for me. tought my son as well. it’s all in how a man is taught. doesn’t matter to my husband whether he is thanked or not. he still does it because it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. that is how you treat a woman no matter what. don’t look for thanks just do it!

  9. BROTHER HASSAN at 6:05 pm

    Chivalry began out of a mind that women were physically fragile and weak and inferior, and must have doors opened for them, chairs pulled out for them, etc. It developed out of a sexist mindset. Now in an era where women have more freedoms than ever before, we are supposed to hold on to this archaic tradition because it makes some women feel special?????If women want to be fully equal, then they are asking to be treated as a man would be treated. Would you do all of that for a man?NOPE.

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