Relationship Advice From The Longest Living Married Couple; Married For 85 Years
Meet Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina. They have been married 85 years (86 in May) and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple and get this…. Zelmyra is 101 years old and Herbert is 104.
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In a growing conversation about the viability of open marriage in today’s world this couple and their love is a powerful witness to the contrary. You can’t fake 85 years, you just can’t! And in 85 years you’re going to bump up against the same problems that everyone else does, maybe even more. The difference is not in the times or society but in the mindset of the people. Choose wisely to begin with and then remain committed to your choice. When everything else is said that’s the only real secret to a lasting marriage.
I don’t mean to be bitchy at all, but I am actually wondering what you mean by your comment. I know a couple who has had an open relationship for over 60 years, and they are only now (in very old age) monogamous. They’ve never been in love with other people either. They are a “lasting marriage.”
I, personally, am a very monogamous person, and have met only one individual that I have been in love with. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, I was not able to be with him. (If you’re going to go into a rant or anything of the like, please consider all possibilities of what this could mean, because I don’t like talking about this… and you should always consider the worst regardless).
I guess I’m wondering what your post meant. Could you please clarify? Is a particular couple more deserving of love than another? Much thanks.
She did not rant. And by and large open marriages don’t work. You know ONE couple
Christy’s comment seems to be in response to a growing belief among some people in modern society that people are not very monogamous these days (consider the common attitudes and divorce rates), and that this necessitates more open views about marriage (ie that open marriages are more fitting/viable for our modern society). This couple is a testament that a marriage can last and points out the difference in their attitudes. They surely overcame many struggles, proving that those struggles do not necessitate infidelity. I think that is what she was trying to say, not anything about any couple being more deserving of love. I believe True love is a gift greater than any of us deserve – no couple deserves it more than any other.
Exactly. People nowadays casually go into and out of marriage on a whim. I know someone who met someone, online, moved in together a month later, 3 months into the relationship they get married, and I believe they were married for 6 months but then divorced when they weren’t working out. Then she wonders what went wrong and how she thinks marriage is frivolous and doesn’t understand why anyone would commit like that. I mean seriously, you don’t even know the person having only been together for a short 3 months first of all, get real. It’s sad to see how people are putting down marriage over stories like these, when marriage isn’t the problem, it’s the actions and mindset of those doing it.
I agree with Christy and amanon in that a successful marriage relies purely on the mindest of the couple and their willingness to work through the hard times. Likewise, it’s important to note that any other factor is inconsequential, i.e: open marriage v.s monogamy, online dating, etc. The success of the marriage depends solely on the mentality of the people in the marriage. Yes, open marriages, quick (online) relationships, etc have a higher divorce rate simply because many people going that route are expecting the marriage to be as easy and carefree as getting married was for them, and that simply is the case. I met my wife online, we talked for 8 months, got married when i came home on leave (a week after meeting in person) and we’ve never been happier 5 yrs and 3 kids later. No, this isn’t common for online marriages, but it’s simply a matter or committment through the hard times.
FANTASTIC! What a beautiful testimony to love and marriage!
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What a wonderful example to the world. Wish everyone could see this announcement. And here I was thinking that celebrating our “50th” this year was a big deal……..we got 35 more years to go!!!!!!! Glory to God!
What an amazing story of love and commitment…we all could learn a great deal from them!
Take it from the one’s who have been thru it all AMEN to this wonderful love and couple, must say surely something to look up to <3 <3
WOW! that is amazing!
Wow love that the thing they have most in common is the christians and they pray for each other!! Real marriage here.
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
We are both Christians & believe in God. Marriage is a commitment to the Lord.We pray with & for each other every day.
A threefold cord is not quickly broken. — Eccl. 4: 7-12, emphasis on end of 12
Love it!!!!! Love it love it love it! Beautiful beautiful beautiful!
Sadly, in today’s world, so many people make the decison to get married, but they forget that marriage is a commitment between two people. What an awesome testimony from this couple… 85 years… wow!! They took their vows seriously (as should all couples) that marriage is “till death do us part.” I loved her comment that divorce was never an option and never a thought… Be willing to wait for the right one.. don’t be in a hurry… be willing to love even if the gushy feelings are not there… love is an action and not a feeling… and, above all, trust God for the right one…
Wow, this is amazing! Loved reading it… wish they would have elaborated even more on the answers… so interesting to hear from them!
Great story & love their commitment to one another. I particularly was impressed with the statement in regards to their maintaining individuality WITHIN their partnership. It is so important to know who you are before getting into a relationship instead of creating your identity based on what your partner wants you to be. There is simply no substance for growth and at some point, you & your partner realize this and the hurt & dishonesty begins.
The other thing that was impressive is their value on faith. Whether you’re Christian, Moslem, Buddhist, Judaism, Taoism, Neopagan, or Vodun, practicing prayer & faith together builds a strong bond of trust between you. This couple could have shared any other religion and the outcome would have been the same. Christians don’t have a monopoly on ‘God’ or ‘Lord’ – it’s a noun, not a name.
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I’d love to have that legacy, but I really don’t think I’d want to live to a hundred and twelve years old. Though I sure wouldn’t complain if I never have to be a widow.
Beautiful. I hope I can meet a man one day that wants to spend the rest of his life with me just like Herbert does with Zelmyra.
I would have to say that one of the things that encourages me most is seeing those older than I following through with commitments they have made to each other and to God. The institution of marriage is just as important now as it was in years gone by, the sad truth is the mindset and attitude of society has changed. As a culture (speaking as an American) has become consumed with comfort and convenience and we want it all and we want it yesterday. Unfortunately our promises have become empty shells, because when people say “i do”, what they mean is “I do, until….” I have to work on myself or you bore me, you upset me, until you bother me, you frustrate me, I fall out of love with you…fill in the blank. If a relationship becomes all about what someone can do for you, then you have missed the point entirely. A relationship involves love, patience, grace and commitment and that boils down to good old fashioned self sacrifice, a bitter pill for a comfort driven society. I remember growing up when there was something that I had to do that I did not want to do my mother would say “It builds character” and there were times I thought I had enough character, but I am glad I had adults in my life that instilled in me a stick to it = integrity. The message we as adults are sending to the younger generation is “if you don’t like it, don’t work on it, or find what you do like about what you have, instead just trade it in for something you like better”. That’s how we are as consumers, why have we turned the human relationship into a victim of materialism? Why do we view humans like products, replacable?
I noticed many honorable things about this beautiful couple but one that really stuck out to me was how long they knew each other before they got married. They were friends long before they approached marriage how different from the typical fast moving, caution to the wind, wait til the 3rd date approach to “love” relationships and the “live in” relationship before marriage. Things are so different in marriage than in those marriage substitutes. When people actually get married they are blindsighted thinking that marriage ruined the relationship or that marriage was the problem. I myself have been guilty of the fast track approach to love and marriage so I am writing this from my experience, and for me hindsight is 20/20. Looking back I can see where my mistakes were and I faced them. Taking a good healthy look in the mirror, to determine what can be done better isn’t condemning, its my humbly saying ” What’s wrong with this picture?” And when we look at all the facets, the institution of marriage isn’t flawed, the mindset people have about marriage at the altar is.
Let me side note:
We are in a fallen broken world, where people physically and verbally abuse their spouses to which i respond with sympathy… if you can, get counselling and if the abuse continues, get away from the abuse please. You deserve to be treated with dignity, love and respect.
After only 15 short years of marriage I have come to believe that marriage works if both people choose to make it work…..it isn’t about soulmates or destiny or even feelings it’s about the choice to love another human being with all your might for as long as you both shall live. And I don’t mean choosing to feel love for them, I mean choosing to love them with your actions and words even on days that you don’t feel it. Some may say this is dishonest, I say living this way with a dear husband who does the same for me has brought me joy beyond what I thought marriage could bring. It’s about beautiful sacrifice. This couple are my new heroes….they CHOOSE to love each other and make it work and have been mightily rewarded!
Wow,,i wont live to see 85 let alone be married that long ,lol..fantastic
Just celebrated our 5th year anniversary and growing strong, only 80 more to go lol.
Congratulations to Heather for making it that long! These dating tips really work if you just pay attention to them. Thanks for this informative article!
That is truly a blessing!! People don’t stay married that long anymore and if they do it’s because of something that is bigger than both of them, like their child for instance. It’s a even bigger blessing that both of them are still living and seem to be doing well! Congrats and continue to be blessed!!
Hello,
Congratulation Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher
These peoples showed the world, what commitment in relationship is. You are the inspiration to all couples.
Thanks
Jennie Anne
wow! amazing
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