Men’s Right to Choose: Opting Out of Fatherhood With Financial Abortions

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by Deborrah Cooper, SurvivingDating.com

Should a man be forced to become a father and pay child support, even though he says he doesn’t want to be a Dad? If a woman finds herself pregnant and wants an abortion, but the father desires to keep and raise the child himself, should a woman be forced to carry the child to term? What would make such a situation fair and equitable for both parties?

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52 Comment

  1. What does the word of God say???

    • There are legal cases already decided whereas women have removed semen from used condoms using turkey basters and impregnated themselves. Unfortunately, the courts ruled that the men were still financially responsible. Not surprising, most women feel this is fair treatment.

  2. It sucks but life is unfair, and I think that ultimately it is up to the woman in all situations, it is her and her alone that will be carrying that child to term.

  3. It’s wrong to not want to take care of a child you helped make. If your man or women enough to make the baby then your most certainly that man or women to take care of them…No opting out if your responsibilty…

  4. A woman has all sorts of options after birth. She can even legally abandon her baby at a “save haven” center. Why don’t men have these options? A man wouldn’t be allowed to leave his baby at a safe haven center, but a woman could. How is that equality?

  5. Unless the sperm was stolen somehow, a man cannot be forced to become a father. We all took some kind of sex ed class so we all know the risks associated with having even “protected” sex. There is no way to make parenthood fair and equitable, nor should that be a goal…people need to be responsible for their choices.

    If men want full control over whether or not they have a baby they should control where they put their sperm, very simple.

    • The same can be said that if women want to avoid the responsibilities of childbirth then they can control when they open their legs. Its time for both genders in society to grow up and begin exercising some mature responsibility before they find themselves dealing with an unplanned pregnancy. Its not that hard to get birth control or even exercise some will power and not immediately jump on every person they meet because they had a few drinks in them.

  6. Man, in American politics, it simply doesn't get any more complicated than those questions. I don't have any answers. I'd simply recommend men wait until they've found "the one".

  7. Whether you’re expecting your first child or your kids are grown and on their own, being a dad is a new experience. When my wife was pregnant, we decided to have a homebirth. We hired a doula and two midwives. I won’t tell you how much it cost. According to them and other experts, labor was going to last 10-12 hours. My son had other plans. My wife’s labor was so short that the only other person in the room when he was born was – guess who? – me. After nine months of preparing to support my wife in the birth of my first child, there I was, with no medical training, serving as midwife, doula, and doctor. I fought off the strong desire to run out of the room as fast as possible. When I caught Joaquin, I experienced pure exhilaration and love. *”

    My very own blog site

  8. Use condoms and woman who have children with loser@ should respect there futures more if you don't want kids use birth control but as in for rights yes a man should have a choice just like these woman they trap men with kids so yes there should be a law stating if man and woman have a kid and the man doesn't want a kid but the woman dies then she should sign a release stating such and such is the father but he has waived all rights and I'm moving forward to raise my child alone it don't take a judge or politician to make this happen people

  9. Truthfully, I believe it is fair that a man has say in whether or not a woman keeps the child or not, because if he doesn’t want the child then chances are he isn’t in the position or isn’t willing to be in the position to physically, mentally, emotionally and or financially be there for that child. A child needs more than just money to grow he needs all of the above as well as love. A parent’s presence isn’t enough because you can be present and not be present at the same time. Before another human being is brought into the world we should really be taking precautionary measures anyway, everyone is given or should be given a say so!

  10. YES to both questions. Responsibility. Accountability


  12. I don't think that one person has the right to make such an important decision like that alone. It should be a mutual decision. Having unprotected sex isn't enough to justify a woman keeping a baby that's unwanted by the father or vice versa. No matter how great of a woman or mother a woman is, that doesn't mean that he wants you to be the mother of his child. He enjoys sex with you & usually that's it. You can't base a lifetime decision off of that. Ladies, use your head! Fellas, wrap it up.

  13. @Barbara, why can't unprotected sex and subsequent pregnancy justify becoming parents?! If he doesn't want her for his future, or her him, laying down bare overrides->(pun intended;), all of that. From the time they do it unprotected, are assuming responsibility for what happens five minutes later. See how significant time can be? Five minutes, or 18-21 years.

    Doesn't that diminish the importance of 'feeling good'? 😉

  14. *unprotected, 'they' are assuming responsibility…

  15. that sounds all warm and toasty, but I'm sure you know the universe doesn't operate like that..the man has no rights until AFTER the child is born, and even then he has no rights just responsibility when she wants money to support the baby, a baby he may have already decided he wasn't gonna be there for…the mother chose to carry, chose to give birth (because SHE has those choices) where is the father's choices?

  16. what a coincidence, I discuss this in my book Father's Dey. when u get a chance view this video. thanks jus copy and paste.. http://youtu.be/ndJ1w72ZsOU

  17. Both adults choose to have sex both adults are entitled to a decision father's should have the same amount of rights as the mother. If you don't want kids protect yourself.

  18. This is a a good post with a lot of informed and not so informed responses. We all want to do the right thing and be respectful to the wishes of everyone concerned. So we all have to accept responsibilities for our own actions.

    I personally believe if in your heart of hearts what ever action you take if thats the one for you. Then take it! But be accountable for it! Don’t run away from it! Be you a man or woman. You can not force another to act like you. You can only force yourself to do this.

    If a man or woman does or doesn’t want to have a child its their choice. Follow through on your own choice either way. But accept that the other person has made their choice and deal with the consequences of making your own choice.

    People can change their minds and choices just like the baby can to be born (don’t think it doesn’t have a say or choice – thats just pretending ignorant, it knows!)

    Life is more than just about being right or wrong. The unconditional love of creation will always transcend this.

  19. Going bare with a lying woman saying she on the pill, had the shot etc., then when things go wrong she has the choice to keep or abort, were is the man’s right? Woman we can’t have it our way all the time then call them deadbeats, talk about them stepping off. If a man tells you he doesn’t want the baby and you decided to continue on, then his financial responsibility should be limited. I would rather have a father in their lives then the money. Yes it takes two and both go in without thinking of the repercussions woman should be the responsible ones for their body. And DNA should be mandatory at birth for all single, married everyone.

  20. Your chose was not to ejaculate into the woman, one. And two, men have more rights than what they know and believe. And maybe, just maybe, if men spent a lot more time educated themselves, instead of being the first to scream "she slept with such amount of men or that's not my baby because the baby don't have this family trait" or my favorite "we only slept together on or twice", then men wouldn't have to worry about being dragged into child support court or ducking and dodging their responsibilities. It's amazing I haven't watch Maury in almost 4 years and the stories are still the same. Let's remember, yes it takes two, but while you who scream "I don't want to be a father, don't want to pay child support, or be connected to you for the next 18 years" the woman's egg CANNOT get fertilized until a man's sperm is released. And yes SHE has choices, because it's HER BODY and MEN ALWAYS HAVE THE OPTION TO GET UP AND WALK AWAY. Women do not have that option. Women don't have the option to say I'M OT THE MOTHER. If you don't want the responsibility but want the choice cover up before you lay down or don't lay down at all.

  21. @Anthony, all of that 'after' stuff becomes irrelevant, once you accept the 'fact', that you have a 'responsibility', to protect yourself, if you don't want diseases or children. Bottom line. If more ppl took responsibility for their actions, as in, not sexing on the first date, or before they get to know each other, these things wouldn't be a problem. You know what you want for your future, male or female, and it is your job to secure it, or at least do your best to. No one laid down but the two, and no one should pay but the two.

  22. WHY? So that that same man can continue to have sex with any woman he wants, possibly impregnate each one, then walk around and I don't want kids. Please and at what point do you hold a man responsible for his actions. I'll say it again a woman cannot get pregnant until a man fertilizes the egg. AND ONLY THAT MAN KNOWS WHEN HE IS ABOUT TO RELEASE. HE'S EXERCISING HIS CHOICE AT THAT MOMENT. We all know what happens when egg meets sperm. If a man doesn't want a child, then place your sperm some place else. Men believing a woman when she says "I'm on birth control" is just as bad as a woman believing a man when he says "I didn't sleep with her or I've been tested".

  23. You lay you pay, one way or the other. Whether or not you choose to justify it, it will affect all parties involved, as long as their is breath in their bodies.

  24. Plain and simple. If a man don't want any kids or don't want any kids with that particular woman, cover it up! Like I tell my sons, don't leave your life in the hands of someone else. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. If a woman says she's on some sort of birth control, that's nice, but still cover it up. Take responsibility. That's what's wrong with too many men. They want the fun but don't want to take responsibility for their actions or their lives, but more than willing to blame the woman if she gets pregnant. Wrap it up all the time! Don't leave the responsibility to her because it's your life.

  25. Symphoni Reese "men have more rights than what they know and believe" What are these rights that you speak of?? If a man even thinks about walking away all a woman has to do is run to justice system and have him locked up, checks garnished, and otherwise threatened with legal action. And I believe EVERY childbirth should have a mandatory paternity test. There are men right now financially responsible for raising kids that are not their own because of lying ass women. And finally, women have PLENTY of chances to say "I'M NOT THE MOTHER" if they don't want to be. A woman can drop her baby off at any church or fire station and walk away clean and free, doesn't even have to notify the father. There is the morning after pill. There is abortion for up to as much as 6 months into pregnancy. And finally a woman can put her baby up for adoption. So please don't go around spreading that lie that women don't have options to opt out of motherhood after they get pregnant. And men just go away to be free and happy.

  26. Why is it that when your lying in bed no one discuss the question if you get pregnant what should we do you wait until it happens then want the women to get an abortion. Of course now you and your mate our not seeing eye to eye now. You know she not on birthcontrol your not wearing a condom so at some point a child may happen. Now here comes where two people disagree, could be your agaisnt having abortions or your married knowing this is not the right time to have another kid deep down inside you want to get rid of but at your age and abortions not tge answer you just can’t lay there on a table and have an abortion. That would have been the easier way, you will eventually get over feeling miserable. Its so easy for some one to tell you that, now ladies we know its hard raising kids its very expensive you may not have a support system and now you have this new child your reminded of this every day. Sometimes you put inconsideration the man wants and needs but it does not change ur mind about having this baby. What are your choices now get your tubes tied,birth control or the pull out method. Will a man get his tubes tied I think not but you have to get an abortion. I tell you its hard but what ever you decide it will always be a battle with your partner or with out your partner trying to raise a kid keeping the baby for your reasons. Who is right or wrong

  27. So now after the abortions what happens if she doesn’t take birth control pills you still rocking with her not using a condom is she suppose to get another abortion because neither one of you want to be responsible.

  28. This problem will never go away, as long as you have men with a sex drive and women willing to capture them, and also have an unbridled sex drive. The underlying problem is this kind of behavior is destroying our community. The answer, is the get married first, then have sex all you want. Now, I was young at one time, especially when I was in college. Women, actually offered sex to me, out loud, unprotected, and asked for nothing in return. In every case, I turned it down because my parent informed me of the consequences, which included embarrassment at church, neighbors, and cost to my family and future. I am glad I did. I sacrificed instant gratification and now as a ‘old’ professor, I asked students to refrain and think of the future. To many women, stop offering sex to men and in some cases boys, you don’t know then requiring them to be responsible for your aggressive sex drive. Women, please control your sex drive. Men will take the bait, but all of our actions are destroying our community. As a professor, I speak to too many young adult who miss a father in their lives. If you control yourself, you will find that there are enough good men out there. Too many of you are selling sex and nude pictures, on-line camera sex. Stop it your actions are destroying us.

    • How did this become all about the woman? I think men have a little something to do with it too. Are you saying men are like children and women must watch over them and help them control their sex drive to prevent self-ruin? Really? No I think both genders need to be adults. Don’t sleep with strangers, wrap it up, utilize birth control, and be responsible. ROFL!! I wish I would see myself as responsible for a man’s actions.. If you see a chick posting nude pics online the adult in that man should say ‘Eeuuw. I don’t want to be associated with that nor would I get close enough to impregnate her.’ Not ‘oooh curves curves curves ( or whatever drives the attraction) I wanna do things to her.’ The onus lies on everyone..

  29. There are legal cases already decided whereas women have removed semen from used condoms using turkey basters and impregnated themselves. Unfortunately, the courts ruled that the men were still financially responsible. Not surprising, most women feel this is fair treatment.

  30. Married couples are asking there partners to get an abortion not just people with sex drives having unprotected sex

    • Yea, but it is between two people that the law acknowledges as one and the legality of divergent decisions are diminished. The child will know who the parent is, unless one strayed and the child is not his. Yes, I know three cases where the woman feared that the child was not her husband’s because of their unfaithfulness, which is also rampant. Then an abortion was recommended by both. As I stated, we meaning both of us are contributing to this problem in our community, not just women. Yes, we are destroying our community because of unbridled sex, but in a marriage that is allowed and taken into account, as the matching process goes. I love sex like anyone else, but the pain that it has caused us is severely unmatched by rewards.

  31. It is a slippery slope! Pardon My Pun! Wear Rubbers!

  32. Womens choices: have baby and collect child support; use birth control; abort & choose or not choose to tell the father; put child up for adoption; have baby and leave in designated “safe” area; have it and dump it in a trash bin (some have done this); put responsibility of raising baby on grandma or auntie.

    Mens’ choices: use condoms; stand by and do nothing while woman aborts baby; be forced to pay child support for a baby he doesnt love or want; be forced to support a baby that turns out not to be his.
    I propose the following: federal law requiring DNA testing for ALL BABIES born in this country; that way men arent saddled with taking care of babies that arent theirs.

    Voluntary termination of parental rights for ANY man doesnt want the responsibility of a child he doesnt want. Married men or men in legal “common law” marriages would be exempt from giving up their paternal rights.

  33. Symphoni Reese WILL SAID

  34. Women get pregnant…women should make sure they dont get pregnant. Women have more to lose in this game, they get saddled with raising kids alone and yeah you can get the child suppport but the man will still walk away and the kid will still be fatherless…sorry ladies but its soley on YOU to make sure you dont get pregnant and STOP letting random dudes use your kitty as a seminal trash can.

    • This is so ignorant. The only response it is worthy of is this is so ignorant…

  35. One more piece of advice ladies if a dude tells you by word or actions that he doesnt want the baby let it go. Unfortunately a desperate man will take drastics measures to not have to end up paying child support or being saddled with a kid … and the woman they never wanted. Cherica Adams is an unfortunate example.

  36. Childbirth and/or abortion can be life threatening events, yet some women purposely risk their lives and those of their unborn children to continue pregnancies brought on by ‘casual sex’ or sex without a meaningful relationship. Men can have vasectomies to prevent unwanted pregnancy … but they don’t. Women can take birth control pills, use patches and/or abort any unwanted pregnancy.

  37. Maybe I am a part of a dying breed, but I am just horrified by this question. What is being discussed here — on both sides of the issue for men and women — is the birth of a child as “an unintended consequence” of a commonplace lifestyle nowadays where s****l activity has been reduced to recreation. That’s my observation.

    So, while people are having fun that includes unprotected s*x, neither party seems to be prepared for the potential consequence of their actions. When the “unintended consequence” occurs, then they get divided into camps who variously defend a “woman’s right to her body and reproductive choice” and a man being hounded about what it means to be a “good father” — that he neither wanted to be nor is prepared to deal with. So, we end up with a debate about the merits of a decision to abort vs. a man’s decision to opt out of paying.

    The tragedy in this multi-generational epidemic of behavior is the loss of the meaning of what a family is. We now have single-parent families, broken families, blended families, and far too many foster children who have no families at all. What is crazy to me is there is no longer any alarm being sounded when 7 out of 10 Black children arrive at schools each day from single parent families mostly headed by women. The behavioral aberrations, and “problems with Black boys without fathers in their homes” are not connected to the consequences of casual behavior that reduces their immediate progenitors to “baby mamas” and “baby daddies” instead of parents heading families. Instead of seeking solutions to restoring stronger families, we are having a debate about who should pay for “the unintended consequence.” Children are reduced to objects of resentment, the subject of visitation rights, and the center of legal battles over custody and child support payments. They are the big losers.

    Maybe so many who are reading this are the products of multiple generations of “unintended consequences” that the “new normal” doesn’t include a stable two-parent family, working together to raise children with solid values and respectful relationships. So the solution that I would propose — which may end up in a 45 year marriage that we have enjoyed — is now the stuff of fairy tales, and no longer considered the primary option for a couple looking forward to the birth of their first child. We may be at the bottom of that proverbial slippery slope. It is so easy to slide down the slope, and nearly impossible to go back up.

  38. This is a very hard topic and some times depressing. Men and women never plan out anything some times your in the moment and things happen no one is prepared to have a baby and raise a child then you have this as a debate. Is there ever a right time it depends some planned pregancy have so many issues and your still going out of your mind. I guess the only way to to make sure you dont have to tell any one to have an abortion is to use protection both partners… if you lay down then you have to be pepared for the long ride if you cant agree. Sometimes having a baby is a blessings yes it’s very expensive. Stop pointing the finger now and raise your kid if she agrees to have the baby it takes two to make a child and it will be great if two people can raise the kids.

  39. This is how it should go. A couple that’s married most likely wants A child if not its discussed. Black unmarried women decide to have children by men they don’t no well enough. I think If a unmarried woman decides to have a child without the man’s consent he shouldn’t be held responsible. Women no when a man doesn’t want the kid but decide to give birth anyway. The woman should be on her own without his help. My mama use to say “a man ask for puzzy not a baby”. A man cant make a woman get an abortion therefor he shouldn’t be forced to be a father. Black women in particular think its all about them when a child is being carried. If a black woman knew she couldn’t get support from the man since they aren’t married the rate of bas-tard kids would decrease by 70%. I think its funny when I hear black women say ” take him to court ” . They don’t realize that 6 out of 10 of their fatherless sons in up in jail.

  40. latoya where are you get your information from on BLACK WOMEN. Why are you turning this into a race comment instead of actual facts who gave you a degree in black women.

    All your statements about black women are WRONG!!!!!!! First of all Black women just dont sleep around with every one. If your momma told you a man ask for the goods and not a baby did she teach you how have safe sex and wrap it up to not make a baby. I wish you the best luck in life your a stero type uneducated person.

  41. Having babies can be a real blessing for people who want to have children. However, not everyone is cut out to be a parent. While there is a lot of pressure to reproduce there are advantages to not having a baby. If you are debating whether having a baby is something that you want to do, then it is a good idea to weigh the pros and cons of parenthood before making any final decisions.
    Pros of Having a Baby

    Having a baby is a life changing experience. Babies allow you to pass on your genetic materials to the next generation, they allow you to pass on your experiences and philosophies to the next generation, and they provide you with a being that will love you unconditionally. Having a baby can also help to strengthen your bond with your partner and give your life new meaning. Finally, from a less sentimental standpoint having a baby can also save the life of someone that you love, as their umbilical cord blood can be used to treat and cure a variety of cancers.

    Cons of Having a Baby

    While babies can be a wonderful addition to your life they also come with some drawbacks. First of all having a baby is expensive. They require frequent doctor’s visits, thousands of dollars of supplies and furniture and they require constant care. Babies are also time consuming. Since they need 24 hour a day care and supervision you will need to alter your schedule to meet their needs, especially during the first two years. As the baby grows they will consume more and more of the household’s resources. This can put strain on your finances and emotional health. Having a baby will also mean that may need to change your lifestyle, instead of staying out all night clubbing you will need to spend more time at home.

    Not Having a Baby

    Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Some people don’t have the desire to have children, some don’t feel comfortable around kids and some people have a lifestyle that is just not conducive of having children. Some people also decide to not have a baby because of medical or psychological conditions that they have. Regardless of their reason for not having a baby, these people are not bad people, they just have a different path to follow and they shouldn’t be talked down to or criticized for their choice.

  42. My stats are right . I didn’t say all black women, If I did I didn’t mean all. As a black woman its true that 70% of our kids are born into a single parent home. Its really more like 73% but I’m being nice. All black women aren’t baby mama’s, this statement is towards the one’s who are. I’m not being hard on black women. I think they should use their heads and stop becoming babymama’s. Some black women will never be some1’s wife . Its not hard to have sex and not get pregnant, women do it everyday. Why do a large % of black women have baby after baby, after baby without a husband? I think is because they are stupid. lol

    • I think it’s because they are emotionally unstable. The only women I have seen having baby after baby after baby are looking for unconditional love, can not succeed in a relationship and hope that the man will stay this time (never does) and if he doesn’t oh well I have the baby who will love me and I will take him to court to make him pay (usually an abject failure). Now I’m not saying all women but this what I have seen going on with my own eyes. I’m sure there are many different situations. And both of the women I am thinking of came from 2 parent homes. 1 from a dysfunctional 2 parent home and 1 from an abusive 2 parent home (mom physically abused her while claiming the bible condoned it and dad stood passively by and let it happen). Just a little side note for all the Bible thumpers and others who believe marriage and supposed ‘traditional’ families solve all problems. Sorry. Nope. The only way having 2 parents is going to produce a healthy child is if those 2 parents are healthy themselves.

  43. A man should protect himself if he don't want no kids or AIDS. Don't start whining after the fact, when you had time to protect yourself, it's too late for that. Ain't NO p*ssy worth giving up your paycheck for or dying for. Wrap it up.

  44. Amen

  45. Deference to post author, some superb selective information.

  46. avM9tJ My brother suggested I might like this web site. He was entirely right. This post actually made my day.

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