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Dr. Boyce: The Downside to Being the Alpha Male–What We Can Learn from Terrell Owens

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what black athletes can learn from terrell owens

 

by Dr. Boyce Watkins, Your Black World – Syracuse University

The story of Terrell Owens is becoming sadder by the second.  A warrant was recently issued for Owens’ arrest after he made it abundantly clear that he will be unable to meet the numerous child support obligations he’s created for himself.   The warrant was for not showing up in court, but the athlete has been reportedly seeking massive reductions in the amount  he is expected to pay.

via Dr. Boyce: The Downside to Being the Alpha Male–What We Can Learn from Terrell Owens | The Boyce Blog.

James

12 Comment

  1. It’s not just about the alpha male, it’s about what we allow them to do to us. Yes, alpha males normally think they can get away with murder but we as women do not have to be their victims. Terrell most likely thought that it was ok to have kids by multiple women as long as he was able to support them financially. This type of thinking is ruining his children because when they think of there father in the future, they can’t think about all the time dad spent with me. Instead, they will think about all the money my father gave mom to keep me out of his way and\or his life so he could live life without sharing the most important responsibility of being a parent (which is actually being present in your childs life). It’s a tragedy that these types of men do not realize that when their kids are adults, they have a risk of also having disfunctional relationships.
    The even bigger tragedy is that these women chose to lie down with this men, create a baby and now is using the child to support her lifestyle. So now the money has ran out. Now what? I’m hoping that these women have careers of their own and are able to support themselves and their children by their own means. If not, let this be a lesson to females who are getting pregnant because they think it will make him stay or for a paycheck. Ladies, Get yours and dont depend on him because when his world ends, your world will still go on as normal. Also, just because a man has millions doesn’t make him good father material. We should never let a man use us and discard us just because he has money. If you are with a man that has money, continue to pursue your career goals and aspirations. Also, lets stop doing everything backwards. It’s marriage first and then babies. At least, there is a chance (50/50 with so many marriages ending in divorce) that he is with you for the long run and he will be a strong father figure for your children. Ladies, if money is your only motive to being with a man, let it go because your relationship is destined for an unfortunate ending. We all see what happens when a child is involved, the money runs out and both parties become bitter about the situation. No one wins, especially the child.

    • Thank you for saying this. I have two cousins in a similar situation. Women it is time to take responsibility for the lives you also choose to create. One is a well to-do business man. When his business went under and he went to court to reduce his child support payments. The baby mama made it clear she needed more because she was seeking to buy a house. Seriously! The man gives you nearly $40K a year in support alone BEFORE paying for the extras such as an expensive private school! Where is your contribution to this? You ALSO chose to have this child. Another cousin has 8 kids by 4 women. The first two okay, but the last two. What the HELL where you thinking? He was a drunk and couldn’t pay child support for the other 4, so did you think the Child Support Fairy was going to magically drop money from the sky? People, it is time to be responsible for your reproduction and stop falling back in to old slave studding molds!

      • You are absolutely right,i am a 62 year from a disfunctional family that produced no positive role
        models.My role models were BIg Joe,Big Ed, Indianapolis fat,so a consequense i made exactly the
        mistakes you wrote about.I long now to have a relationship with my adult children and money is
        not an inducement, they do not want to any contact.Also the continuation of the dysfunction
        continues on.It is imperative that we as black men convey a positive image to the younger men
        coming up rather than tell lies about how many women we had.A real man takes care of family,
        home,and community.

      • I COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER..Thanks Dr. Watkins for KEEPING IT REAL AND TELLING THE TRUTH. Maybe just Maybe the lesson will GET ACROSS 🙂

  2. Speechless.

  3. Glad people realize there is fault from both the man and woman. This society is built on money and thats a problem. Too many people having kids for all of the wrong reasons.

  4. Yes, the females that are stuck with “baby daddys” chose to lay down with him unprotected and chose to have the child. Also, the male chose to sleep with their “baby mamas” . Both parties knew the risks of having sex (protected or unprotected). So, neither party can point fingers like they are a victim. We need to grow up and accept what comes out of the bad choices that we make. Everyone makes mistakes but we have to learn from our mistakes and try not to make that same mistake again. I’m so sick of males acting as if they were tricked into having kids (when they knowingly laid down with these women) and females who are so quick to turn on the males once they leave knowing that he wasn’t father or relationship material in the first place. As a black woman, I’m saddened of what has come of our generation and culture. We have some successful black men and woman to look up to but when you think about their success, most of it is career success and not personal success. Its almost like if your going to be successful in your career, your personal relationships must suffer. Is there not a balance? Is it so hard for us to partner with someone (no matter the race) and work towards building a strong and secure foundation for our children? Mothers, if you only sleep with a man because of his bank account, would you want your son’s taken advantage the same way? Fathers, if you constantly sleep with random women while you have a faithful, good- hearted, and loving partner at home, would you want your daughters to be treated in the same manner? Selfish behavior not only impacts you but it may also impact your children. We don’t realize that our wreckless behaviors and conduct may contribute to pattern behavior in our offspring. Its up to us to be role models for our children. We can’t continue to blame the media or anyone else for our thoughtless actions. We need to step up and do our best to be responsibile partners and parents.

    • This is so refreshing to see the number of comments to this post the place the responsibility for this situation squarely on the shoulders of both people. This has become acceptable behavior, not just in our communities, but all across the country. Men and women’s lack of respect for themselves and each other has led to this reckless “parenting style” that is ruining the thread of society. The Idea that because a man is a “baller” he is immediately an acceptable father or even lover for that matter, is being adopted by new generations like little African babies by single white women. Yet, TO and other like him want to cry and become depressed when their proverbial “chickens come home to roost”.
      The lack of drive and “gumption” that these “looking for an easy paycheck” women display is embarrassing. What did she do, other than have sex (mutually consensual) and allow herself to be impregnated by a man that was not her husband, and most likely not even her boyfriend at the least. This action does not entitle her to an “EZ Pass” on the expressway of life. Yet, both parties put this game plan into play over and over without learning from the mistakes of their peers. Then everyone wants to cry “foul” and pursue this tug of war over money and visitation. She wants to buy a house – REALLY? If she was a savvy woman, she would have secured that first “for her kids”. She DID NOT plan for the future of her child and believed she had Hit the Jackpot with TO. So sad, So sorry.
      Maybe more people will learn from this example instead of following it.

  5. It’s sad, but society makes it easier for men like this to manipulate everybody around them. There is no free lunch, free ride, or knight in shining armor on a white horse. Life is not meant to be easy, and things are not fair. That’s the way it is. The sooner we teach our children the facts of the reality of life, men like this will fall in line and be the men that God intends them to be. We’re losing too many of our families to dysfunctional relationships like this.

  6. T.O. is no alpha male. Alpha males are also educated and responsible. T.O. is neither. He is just a hardcore brother that had a lot of money.

    The sistah’s that laid up with him are hardcore ghetto opportunists. The cash cow is dead. The hoochies will soon follow unless they can find somebody else to suck dry. Their kids will likely end up mentally poisoned by their pitifful momas.

  7. Take Care of Your Children and Be Responsible Fathers, is What is Really Needed in The Black Community. It Takes Responsible Fathers To Raise Young Black Men. Maybe We Can Prevent Our Young Black Men From Drugs,Murder,Gangs and Prisons…Step Up Black Men!!

  8. I got what you intend,saved to bookmarks, very decent site.

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