Open Letter from the “Father” of the 14-Yr Old Girl Caught on Video Doing “Interesting” Things with her Boyfriend

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A writer has gone out of his way to express the sentiments of a black man in response to the video of Amber Cole, the 14-year old who became famous by “showing her skills” with her boyfriend.  The video has become viral, and millions around the world have talked about this little girl and what she did on camera.  This letter is definitely a must-read….check it out:

I am Amber Cole’s father. I am angry, confused and completely at a loss. I love my daughter. I want to guide her without suppressing her. That is not always easy. Children need protection from their worst inclinations. That is not always easy. I am trying to convince her that the world will still love her if she keeps her clothes on.

I do not know if she can hear me, or if she is listening. She would listen to her mother, if her mother was not busy. Doing something, anything that is not parenting. I want her mother to spend less time being “empowered” and more time being aware and engaged with our daughter. I want her mother to be a better role model, not a BFF. It takes two.

I am Amber Cole’s father and this should go with saying: I am angry with those boys. But I knew those boys. Those boys were my friends. I grew up with those boys, hung out with those boys. But I was always The Other Guy – the boy you do not see on the tape. The one who, because of religious beliefs, self-respect or common sense decides to have no parts of such a thing. He is a nerd. He is an outsider. He is long gone, at home reading and writing.

I want to meet The Other Guy and shake his hand. I’m trying to raise The Other Guy. But it is not easy. Girls don’t like The Other Guy. Being the Other Guy is not as cool as being one of the boys. I want to raise my boy to not be that kind of cool. Being a gentleman is cool. I want him to get the chance I did not have. I want him to to wait for that special girl.

I am Amber Cole’s father and I have seen the video. You probably have too. I would like to ask her mother’s boyfriend, Karrine Steffans or Kim Kardashian where my daughter learned that. How she became proficient at such a difficult act. I want to know who has been teaching my little girl how to act like a woman while I have been trying to teach her to be a young lady.

Teens don’t have the tools they need to express, explore and comprehend the consequences of careless intimacy. I want to know what kinds of people we are allowing to look after our children when we are not around. I want to know why my 14 year-old knows so much about oral sex.

I am Amber Cole’s father, and I am not raising a slut. White feminists can teach their own little girls to find empowerment through their crotches – my brown little girl cannot afford to be that carefree and cavalier with her life choices. Slutlife is the hard, lonely vocation of rich, educated, privileged white women who will fuck The World, contract social diseases and still, somehow find a husband. No black woman ever got far being a slut.

I want to know what kind of women “slutwalk,” while young impressionable girls of all kinds look on with wonder and admiration. I want to know why these same women run to protect Mylie Cyrus but just shrugged, nonplussed for my little brown girl. I want to know what the fuck those dumb bunnies are thinking. Most of them do not have daughters. I want my daughter, the woman, to have healthy, vibrant sexuality. My little girl should have other priorities. I am her father. I will protect her and every woman in my life with my life.

I am Amber Cole’s father. Don’t ask where I was that afternoon, because you already know. I was at work, just like you. I do not live with her, cannot always talk to her, cannot always be there. Not the way I want, and there are few laws to help me. To protect me and my rights. No one cares that I cannot be the kind of father I would like to be, until my daughter is a link, a hashtag, a trending topic. A punch-line.

The subject of what may be the most widely seen piece of child pornography in history:  A 14 year-old giving oral while two other boys watch and laugh. You say what you would do, what you would say, but you have no idea. We are all great parents with other people’s children. You blame me. Do not judge me. I love my daughter as much as you love yours. I am doing the best I can.

I need the help of a partner who at times seems to be modeling the kind of behavior I am discouraging. We are fighting. Pushing and pulling, in no one’s best interest. Why can’t this be about my daughter? No, this is not about blame. It takes a village that starts with parents — all parties must be accountable. But parenting? Yeah. To do it well–even after all these years –it still takes two.

Kid sex is as old as time, but that realization doesn’t make me feel any better. Amber Cole is my daughter.

I am jimi izrael. I am not really Amber Cole’s father. But she is my daughter.

You do not think so. But she is your daughter too.


31 Comment

  1. I recognize that the man who wrote this letter is not really Amber’s Father-but I still take issue with the fact that he seems to think that when he is absent, it’s because he is “working” and when her mother is absent it’s because she is “Empowered” (obviously, the writer disapproves of this empowerment). Here are a few simple remedies: 1. If you have not married a woman-do not make her pregnant! 2. If you have a child with a woman and you’re not in the home helping her raise that child and you do not have either the ability or the desire to raise her, you don’t get to stand on the sidelines and judge her for working (being “empowered”) She has to be empowered because she is raising Amber BY HERSELF!!! 3. If you marry a woman and have children with her, even if it gets “hard”, stay and do everything humanly possible to salvage the relationship. When you leave her, you also leave your children (children like Amber) and expose them to unthinkable things and influences.
    I agree with you-Parenting takes two but you don’t get to leave and then judge the woman you left to raise YOUR child by herself while you see her twice a month and send a check. That’s not parenting-it’s visiting and paying child support!!! SMH!!!

    • I am in full agreement. Parenting is NOT visitation and child support. That is simply the minimun standard put forth by the state. No child or adult should be abused but we continue to make excuses for not “being there”. I do not want to stand in judgement of anyone. The boys are as much to blame and karma may hit them someday soon also. I hope this leads to more responsible parenting, dating, sexual encounters, et al. No one should learn values from media, TV, music, etc. It has to be taught, instilled and passed down from family, friends, and self. Learn and grow. Peace.

    • Your reply has some holes. It seems everyone else values and acts on the empowerment of the family unit except “blacks.” You have no REAL empowerment if you do not have a family unit basis. The reason being is that the family provides emotional support when you come home from the “world.”
      It is really a shame that black women have to be so one sided on the family issue, if you are so strong why can’t you handle a family and “empowerment?” whatever that is.

    • It is obvious that you are a very bitter woman that a man/men have left you many times. This is not about you, empowerment of women, marriage, who raises the kids or any of the things you speak on!! It is about a little girl, and how we fail to teach our children, and if we teach them the right way, we still have those outside forces that still get in our way. I know that we will forever have bitter women like you who are so mad at the man that you lose sight in what is really going on and how to get it right. How to get our sons to be respectable young men so that we do not have to worry about such things. It is about a little girl name Amber Cole, not Amber Rose!

    • Nomalanga I LOVE UR RESPONSE! I was on the same wave length about that issue. I can’t stand it when men try to judge a woman who is a single parent. Most women DON’T choose to be single parents! It’s usually because the man has abandoned his responsibility and left her without any assistance that the woman is forced to “empower” herself because if not that child doesn’t EAT, get CLOTHED, have SCHOOL SUPPLIES, get MEDICAL CARE, etc. A mother who is working her tale off can only do so much “watching” and unfortunately, what’s popular these days is being a whore. U can be the best mother and/or father on earth and still have ur child go down the wrong path.

      • To James Ward and Peggy Bynes, I’m just wondering what response u read, was it the same one I read? Because she talks about marriage and setting the foundation of the “black family” and how that abandonment of that responsibility on the part of the man has lead the woman to have NO CHOICE but to “empower” herself. Why does she sound bitter because she spoke about how it was a bias view to down the woman as being “empowered” but trifling in her responsibilities towards her daughter BUT the man as being “working” (to support his child as it implies) and thus somehow his lack of responsibility towards his daughter was excusable? That’s NOT bitter dear that’s reality! Women have been looked down upon for pursuing a career and having children without being married but somehow when a “man” does it he’s only doing what’s allowed and it still turns into the woman’s fault. Him not taking care of his responsibilities is ok as long as he’s paying child support, then he’s “doing his part.” Well I beg to differ! While I agree with his view of Amber being misguided the buck falls for the misguidance on BOTH PARENTS and society as a whole condoning inappropriate sexuality on TV, in Movies, in Music, etc. It does take a whole village but don’t down play the woman’s role as her being trifling while ur being the “hard working” concerned dad that forced to stay of the sidelines by the courts! That’s not bitter that’s real, SMH

  2. I feel so bad that this child has to feel that she has to not only have sex but to share it with the world. Who does she hate the most, Her father, mother, all boys, girl friends, school or herself? It there no tomorrow in her life? This is the same as if she walked through her school naked for all to see. was she on drugs? Did someone slip something to her food or drink? This is not normal for any child. We know that sex is not taught. Nature teaches sex, We teach behaviour. But we never think that our sons or daughters so young will do this on purpose. She is our Daughter and those boys are our sons. Color has nothing to do with it. I feel our pain, Don’t you?

  3. I am Amber Cole’s mother. I was appalled at what I read and heard about one of my daughters. How I have tried to teach them that we live in a place that is not our homeland and that those in charge do not love us but we try so hard to be like them and look and act like them but they only accept us when we make mad money for them by singing, dancing and or acting. They incarcerate our boys and men and turn our daughters out. They bring in all manner of drugs to keep our men down and out. They our men very rarely live to be 25. Yet, we continually try and be them, have what they have, worship what they worship. We are lost and YAHWEH help us and forgive our stiff necked hardhearted ways.
    Do we not know that we came from Kings and Princes and who we are in YAHWEH? We are the chosen people, we are somebody! YAHWEH made a covenant with us, HE made us in HIS image and breathed life into us! Please wake up my Hebrew brothers and sisters, come out of their religions and you will see YAH move in your and your family’s behalf!
    I continually read and see and know that some of us are so hardhearted and stiffed neck towards the true MessiYAH Yahoshua, yet blindly calling on these pagan gods, stop bringing these demons in your homes by going to these so called places of worship, this is where they are attacking you and hanging onto you and your children and following you to your homes. Research the WORD as to who you truly are, stop letting those so called pastors teach you lies. Our FATHER has written us these love letters and no one else. They can be in grafted into us we are and can be redeemed, they have to be born again…..NOT US. Study for yourselves show yourselves approved rightly dividing the word of truth. 2 Tim. 2:15
    There is so much I want to say but you cannot bear it at this time. With love I share this, a Hebrew Mother

  4. The foregoing was RIDICULOUS, to say the least. Surely, there are more things to discuss than this
    teenaged girl learning and experimenting with sex. You who are watching this tape are a bunch of VOYEURS. You are getting your jollys watching the tape. You are NO BETTER THAN THE BOYS YOU

  5. O K. Tired of hearing about this now. Parents need to raise and monitor there kids. I don’t think 14 year olds should have sex. Parents know when their kids are doing it. You can tell by their actions and you can tell when you wash their underwear. Lots of crusty stains from cum. This father is now embarassed and wants to blame everyone but himself and her mother. It is not YouTube, Twitter or Facebooks fault, it is yours. Bet you are talking to her now!!!

  6. Everyday, we lose thousands of our precious little girls because we are not there for them. They struggle trying to grow up, trying to understand life, trying to know what it feels like to be sexually active. Then…having no one to answer their questions, they take the initiative to explore for themselves.

    If we could only learn how to be there for them… how to listen to them…how to respond to their confusing emotions and changes and mannerisms…how to answer those unanswered questions that constantly enter their confused little minds…how to teach them and guide them… as they pass through the very difficult stage of adolesence…. If only…

    Lord, have mercy on our precious little children….

    • 1. So, this mister is not even Amber’s father just a stranger with a lot of hangups one of which is deceiving his readers by pretending to be her father and only at the end writing he is not. Sick. So who are you?
      2. You watched the video? Really? That says everything about you, doesn’t it?
      3. Another thing which is clear is that the writer is obviously a misogynist (hater of women). First his wife, or ex-wife or former girlfriend or phantasy (does he have or have had anything to do with the real Amber Cole at all? Or is he just spewing hatred and nonsense to get attention?)
      4. A woman is empowered. Right. In other words she is a single mom who needs to work and/or has a mind of her own.
      4. Hatred in general and of course the easiest is to blame white people (how about white people hating black people because of their skin color? Dig? Or do you need more explanation? And of course the wanton hatred and envy (often siamese twins) go against white women who are educated and/or wealthy. Yes. The curse of the world. Maybe if you would not waste our time with your hate spewing pretensions you would have made sure to get yourself an education?
      5. Anybody familiar with rappers who glorify humiliaton and degradation of black women by a.o. consistently calling them Ho and having black women shake their booty in videos where the studios are so warm and stuffy they lack decent clothing. Why don’t I read any of this moral corruption of black man ever? That may be behind the Amber Cole video. Before long the wailing in self pity will start about how this has been caused by slavery and white people. Never thinking about the immoral and amoral hip hop rap(per)ists some of whom became very rich trashing the very women of color. Why is there no protest from the black community as a whole? And don’t give me “it’s the music industry”. That’s way toe easy. Amber Cole is now a victim of a immoral and too lax mentality that should have been killed in the bud. Educate your children. But with hatred towards woman: how do you educate your daughter?

  7. I REFUSED to watch a video such as this, especially knowing it was about a 14 year old CHILD. Hopefully this will open her eyes and she will rise up from this messyness. God Bless Dad for caring and hopefully mom will open her eyes as well. *praying*

  8. dude what the fuck??? I thought you were really her father and I read all of this nonsense. Teenage girls have always sucked dick, especially in baltimore. the only evil here is that her jerkoff boyfriend and his asshole friend filmed it and posted it to humiliate her. Why should she even feel humiliated at all? For being an awesome girlfriend? Let’s face it Americans are such arabs about pussy that we attach some kind of bullshit honor to keeping it pure, and so this girl has to feel shame, but her asshole boyfriend who looks like Rog from “what’s happenin'” got to feel cool. I feel your pain about being a black nerd, though. Black people DO NOT treat their nerds and right. Really really stupid awful post though, buddy.

  9. There is nothing worse than having to go thru life living a lie. We have all been taught there is
    only one God and that he is male. Herein lies the problem. How can you truly appreciate a woman but at the same time deny that she has part in all creation. It takes two people of the opposite sex to create life. This was and still is God’s plan. We were designed or made in their likeness. It has been taught to us the God has male and female attributes. Well why is it that we always hear about the male side of God and never anything about the female side. It is as if she does not exist and without out her the world will always be out of balance. If women do not believe that they had a part in creation we will remain out of balance until you find the truth. No human life on this plant can be accomplished without the female taking part. Even the Savior was born from a woman. Why do you think he said if you blaspheme against him or the Father you can be
    forgiven but if you blaspheme against the Holy Spirit you will never be forgiven. We have tossed aside that female part of God and now as always we are paying the price for those actions. There are some
    of us out here that know the truth. And as long as we keep silent about this truth children will pay
    the price because we are giving them half the truth and keeping the world out of balance.

  10. LOL this dumb letter written by a dumb black man is ridiculous black males need to attend to their children stop making excuses and be a man which you have not been ever in your life

  11. What a heart felt letter. What was wrote is true for millions of our children. Two is better than one, and a village is better than two. It is time for us to reclaim our children; and I think that was the real message. The role father was most likely a meatphor, we as a community are all her mothers and fathers.

  12. What a vulgar, nasty mouth this man has! He does not need to be this involved in a strange little girls sex life and should never go to the point of calling himself “her father” when she has her own father. This letter is a “MUST-NOT READ!” and full of foolishness and jealous, juvenile hypocrisies. The moment he pointed out his lie he discredited any value, of which there was none except as a pity-party devils’ advocate. The courts should have mandated split custody from the outset of the family court system but what is really stopping men from having custody of their children, all the while complaining about any kind of financial support for their own breeding? It is not worthy of commentary but everyone responding here seems to prefer the warm lies to the open truth of what may be a potential pedophile trying to perpetuate and further promote something that is none of his business. This is a very inappropriate person and one who does not have a prayer life which means no relationship with the spirit of righteousness to begin with. Everybody here needs to stop lying, open up their eyes and call a spade a spade and stop being scared of cowardly perverts!

  13. I’m a 15yr old black girl and I can tell u all that most of us are having sex. If not penetration, surely oral. Why? Cause we dont have to worry about getting pregnant. We have orgies and have sex with different partners quite frequently. You parents need to get ur heads out of the sand. Most of us have mothers that are there for us. We talk and hang out, and I tell my Mom “most” everything. Your generation is so uptight about sex. It’s no big deal. It doesnt mean anything. It’s just sex, not the end of the world.

  14. I hope and prayer that Amber get some help. And realizes that she doesn’t have to do this .This is not the way to have someone care for you. And she is not alone. There’re plenty of Amber’s out there trying to find love in all the wrong ways.

  15. im confused as to how the mother was to “empowered” and thats why she wasn’t there for the girl…but the father works and DOESN”T LIVE WITH HER but he’s not in the wrong???

    MAybe instead of trying to blame the mother, maybe you should say at 14 she was looking up to the wrong people even though her “empowered” mother was trying to be a good role model. That is no ones fault. I honestly think this girl knew what she was doing but didn’t care about the consequences and didn’t have the ability at, despite being taught by her parents that it was wrong, to give up the opportunity to maybe be cool. It happens and everyone makes mistakes at a young age, this was her big one. They aren’t gonna catch who was recording her because shes not gonna tell them.

  16. You sir have described Aber Coles daddy not Ambers father. A man chooses wisely not foolishly of who may bear his seed. Kids are under attack and one of the worse things a man can do is to give up his fatherly authority over to a silly woman period. He is still to be a father to his chldren by any means necessary. I am a woman and I will to blame society for my kid going wayward as a teen and picking up bad mental thinking during formidable years. It’s her dads and my fault. I married young as I thought I was doing the right thing, but afew years later after having my daughter, I realized my husband was not going to be the father like my dad ; therefore, I made up my mind to stick the marriage out, but nothave more children. Well, the marriage crumbled and he became angry and used our daughter to filter his anger towards me. I had to still be the mother to her with consistency and stability so when she decided to come to her senses, she could be helped. Guess what, she says today she knows I am stable minded, dependable and love her. By the grace of God, there goes any us, but we deal the hand to our kids they get. Men and women, when we choose who we mate with, we choose that person for our children parents. I grew up a nerd, and you are right about us nerds,but female nerds have it worse because the nerdy boys like yourself  don’t even want to talk to us! It’s funny that you think it’s ok to say that or use an excuse that the popular girls will not talk to guys like you. You guys drooled over the popular girls as well as the popular boys drooled over them while I obeyed my parents, played with my dolls, rode my bike, maintained good grades. I do not look like a nerd today, own my house, no bills, masters degree, other licenses, years of biking has me with a body that has 20 year old females compliment me and trust me, it does not goo my head because character was allowed to develop which brings it back to yours of still blaming others for what the father needs to represent to his little girl: don’t reach out to the media, reach out to Amber and say sweetie, I’m here for you now and I’m sorry baby for not protecting you- take the pressure off of your baby girl! That’s what a man will do. Read below and hopefully your little girl can look back and remember something spectacular about you.
    Today December 4, 2011 would have been my daddy’s 92nd birthday. Some things I remember about Daddy was as I passed my parents bedroom every night to get to mine upstairs, he would be praying. I remember when I was about 6 years old and snuck away from my other brothers and sisters from the fair to go home to use the rest room(no me using a porta pottie even back then) and because I thought I had seen a snake, my dad walked me back to the fair stomping on the ground every now and then saying “that snake better not try to get my baby:  My little flat chest was stuck out and all I could think about was my dad protecting me and my dad was so my hero for saving me from that garden snake! We never had to call a plumber, electrician, carpenter, painter, concrete person, mechanic, dentist (yelp he pulled those loose baby teeth too). We got groceries ever week and dad ( who drove my mom any where she wanted to go) was so patient in the car waiting for my mom to finish as I would sit with him sometimes as we layed back and listened to the Cardinals baseball team on the car radio. My parents were blessed with Ernestine, Levada, Amos Jr, (a still born) Dorthy, Johnny B, Gracie, Richard, Bertha, Bobbie, Maqrcella Charlotte,Raymond, Josephine, Olivia and # 16 me. I appreciated my parents so much and they could set their clock by me and I only hope others appreciate theirs! By the way, we were poor as hell!

  17. What a real man says! Thank God they are still walking this earth.

  18. I was moved by the article about "Amber Cole," but the actions of the young boys is what's on my mind! We "Black Men" have got to step up and Mentor Our Sons about how they "TREAT" Black Women specifically, but all women with total respect! We Black Men take care of Our Sons and degrading things like a 14 year old young girl giving oral sex and being filmed as well as sent out on the Internet would never take place! So, two situations need to be worked on in this "Bad Scenario" and one is with our Daughters, but the most critical situation is "Saving Our Sons!" Black Men, We must step up to the plate and do the Mentoring Work to build World Class Young Men that prevent vulgar thngs from happening to Our Daughters! All of Our Black Women and Men were hurt by this scene of two young people doing what they believed to be Cool! What does that say about We Adults?

    • So agreed Zach, and so glad you keep working on the things that matter most…

    • Troubling times!

  19. This article is very thought provoking to any parent with a child…because our children especially are drowning in ignorance, lack of knowledge/understanding– education, and parental guidence! Women just as Jesus mother s–held the "keys" to LIFE in between their legs so do you…but unfortunately so many females are allowing their " keys" to cause the inevitable destruction of mankind! its not just the males in todays society that are lost and destructive its both sexes! since the breakdown and seemingly increasing dissapearance of the family which is one of the oldest foundations/institutions of life— there has been a epidemic of lack of morals, respect and love in many of todays homes….and not until we go back to parents taking personal responsibility for their children instead of procreating like dogs and leaving the parenting to the television, the rap videos, the computers, the streets and the world—there will continue to be females that do not know the value of their 'keys' and males using those keys for their own lusts! we as a people will eventually corrupt ourselves and self-destruct…its only a matter of time as long as this madness continues!

  20. To NANA: I really need you to understand that sex is a VERY BIG deal!! You may need more education about sex and the diseases that comes along with having unprotected sex. You can chill and have orgies and all that great stuff but what happens when one or two of you in the orgy click become infected with a sexual transmitted disease? YOU SPREAD IT. Oh yea, you can go to the doctor and treat some of the STD’s that are out there but the long term effect may cost you and your friends more than you think at such a tender age. Do you know that there are STD’s that can/will and have cut your ability to become mothers and fathers one day. Oh yea, we have orgies and all the fun stuff at such a tender age! What happens when you contract one of these diseases and some are deadly diseases and some five ten years later when you have HOPEFULLY graduated high school and college and find mr. or ms. right, get married and try for years on end to have a baby/family? Well guess what all the orgies and sleeping around caused your ovaries to be so damaged you can have children for your husband and so damaged that you can’t give your beautiful wife children because when you we a kid you THOUGHT it was cool to have unprotected sex and nothing works properly now. This happens on a daily basis and the same lil girls like NANA are crying in the doctors office as a grown woman now saying why didn’t I just wait or why didn’t I protect myself from this type of future. Looking at a man that is devastated because the love of his live, his queen had a very active sex life (unprotected) before him and can’t carry on his family name! PARENTS, we HAVE to educate our children and Pray, Pray, Pray! Give them a foundation! My daughter I found out by asking are you sexually active and she said yes but with this one guy, her boyfriend (which I can only take her word for). We immediately went and got protection for her to prevent a baby and protection for her to prevent diseases. But she know NO is the best way but she has lost that part of her life. Yes, I have became more in tune with her and her every move but teens need their freedom but when we aren’t around we can only hope they listened to us and make the RIGHT decision. I hope I can help you NANA, because your body is so much more valuable than a man saying you scared, you not a big girl. Tell them to go find someone else to abuse, because that is basically what it is. PEACE, all praises be to GOD. Keep the WORD of GOD in your hearts..

  21. This was a nice thought until he started bashing Amber Cole's mother. If he doesn't even know the relationship between Amber and her mother and father, why is he even speaking on it? The biased language in this "father's" open letter takes much of the power out of it. He should have just stayed on the the fact that Amber needs some lessons on self-love. It's not Kim Kardashian, Karrine Stephans, or any star's fault that our little girls idolize them. It's our faults for not sitting our children down and telling them that anyone that treats themselves like that aren't loving themselves the way they need to be loved. We need to stop blaming people who never gave a damn about impressionable minds in the first place and take the responsibility of raising our kids to see past the faux fame.

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